Criticism as inspiration...

Excuse my manners if I make a scene...

2008-10-01T00:14:00.004-07:00

So I have an awesome girlfriend. She got me a Wii, Dodger tickets, and Disney's Robin Hood DVD for my birthday. She's also a schemer because she was working behind my back with my family and friends to get me the Wii and games. I was really excited and surprised. The Dodger game was fun as well, and she looks good in Dodger Blue!

After my B-day I was thinking about how blessed I am for her, my family, and friends. It was so good to see so many old friends together just talking and hanging out (and having a bit of Goldschlogger) hehe, and my Dad makes the best chicken nuggets. There's just something about people getting together and sharing life that really hits me. I love sharing stories and experiences, and having a good laugh. God is good...

This bandwagon's full please catch another...

2008-07-23T23:24:00.002-07:00

So it's been half a year since I've blogged. I believe this is the longest gap I've had in my blogging career. It's not that I haven't thought about blogging, but I've just been lazy. So I've been back in-country from Vietnam for 2 weeks now. It was a fun experience, and I really enjoyed hanging out with my buddy Tyler. The Vietnamese people are an interesting bunch. They were quite enamored with my belly. I'm not a communist, but I'm pretty sure I could become Prime Minister of Vietnam running solely on the platform of my stomach. If I was in a political debate I would answer each question by simply pointing at my belly or maybe I would lift my shirt up just enough to expose the belly. I know I'd win in a landslide.
The food was great, and the beer was good too, and cheap!!! It was hard not knowing the language, and many times I felt like an outsider. It gave me perspective about how foreigners feel in the U.S., and more specifically how international students feel in my dorm. Nevertheless, I had a good time, and I got to see a lot of places. I also got upgraded to business class on 2 of my flights home, which is quite possibly the closest thing to heaven. In fact, heaven may actually be an eternal flight in business class. Oh I hope it's true...

If the world is ending, I'm throwing the party...

2008-01-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

So this is the new year...

No resolutions to be made, just reflection. I think we should all resolute that the beginning of January should not be the only time we vow to change, but that is not a resolution. Our change should be as constant as our reflection, as we tug and toil to become somebody else, somebody we read about it or see before us, and we desire to develop their characteristics. They inspire change, and we are inspired by that. They make us think, and we like to think about that. They lead by action, but we sit still thinking about acting, and wondering where our inspiration went. But it's still there, it never left. It was in us the whole time, but we kept it locked up, hoping for someone or some thing to come and set it free. It's at this point we realize that it is a constant never-ending struggle. A battle between desire and complacency. To be what we always wanted to be, to do what we always wanted to do, to go where we always wanted to go. Inspired? Yes. Take action? No...

Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills...

2007-12-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a while since I last blogged, almost 5 months I suppose, but I'm back in action. My time at APU has been good. Things seem to move a lot faster here, and the school is so much bigger then what I'm used to, but I feel like I've learned a lot in my short time here. It's still funny to me that I work here having gone to CBU, but it's great to be home in California and closer to my family. I finally started my Masters program and I'm excited to be back in school although it's still weird to be writing papers and reading for class etc etc. I miss my friends in Phoenix, and it was great to see them a few weeks ago. It was nice to just go and chill and be relaxed when I was out there, and to catch up with everybody. Most recently God has blessed me by bringing a wonderful girl into my life. She is amazing, and it's been so good to spend time with her and get to know her heart. God's timing is impeccable. He knows when we need things, and I'm definitely happy He saw that I needed her :) I'm excited for the dorm to close and for Christmas to be upon us, although I'm still sickened by the amount of stupid crap that gets manufactured every Christmas, I'm anxious to relax. That's kind of a weird idea, to be anxious about relaxing, but that's what I am. I plan to hang out with my girl, my friends, bar-b-q, sleep in, and watch a lot of movies. Oh and play a butt-load of Guitar Hero, yeah, a butt-load. How much is that you ask? For some of you that's a lot, and for others not so much, but still, it's a load...

Rob a jewelry store and tell'em make me a grill...

2007-06-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

So my internet has been turned off because the school changed providers, so I'm using the wonderful free wi-fi at Coffee Plantation. The countdown for me to move back Cali is less then 2 weeks away, which is exciting and weird. I'm excited to move back home to Cali, but at the same time it's weird to go back on a permanent basis because for the last 3 years I've felt like a tourist in my home state. My new job at APU is both exciting and scary just because it's like starting over again. I know I will be stretched and it will further develop me as a man of God and as a professional, but I guess that's why it scares me. As much as I want to get out of AZ it's become familiar and I know what to expect, but in a couple months I will be in charge of over 140 freshmen guys, what was I thinking? But I know this is where God wants me, and the opportunity to mentor and build into guys is what God has created me to do, so how can that be bad right? I'm also going to purchase a beach cruiser and ride around because for the first time in my life I won't be living in the ghetto :)

Death creeps like the breeze, but have no fear, watch me inhale...

2007-06-14T02:10:00.000-07:00

So here are some humorous happenings the last couple weeks (these are not made up):

I was at the store not too long ago, and as I was pushing my poorly aligned cart up an isle there was a cute girl coming towards me. As we made eye contact I gave a friendly smile, and as she smiled back I then realized she was missing her top four teeth. I was quite shocked by this sight and suddenly just looked down at the floor because I didn't know what do. I mean what do you do? And how does she not have her top four teeth??? She didn't look like trailer trash or a hockey player. I know she saw my reaction, well I didn't see her reaction to my reaction but I could just feel the akwardness.

Last week I was at a Student Life conference in Minnesota and I was in the bathroom of the main auditorium, when another man came in. We both gave the acknowledging head nod to each as we passed and I went and washed my hands. As I was doing this he suddenly began to drum the beat to Queen's "We Will Rock You" while he peed. 2 beats on the urinal and 1 on the side of the bathroom stall. He did this a few times, and being a little weirded out I just began singing the song. After a couple choruses he was done, and I realized that I had been washing my hands for quite a while. He turned around and I said "I love Queen" and he replied in a southern accent, "Whenever I get a song in my head I just have to drum it. My kids always tell me I do it wrong." Then I responded with, "Sounded pretty good to me." Word!

Finally, many of you know my history with birds. The infamous m-80 assassination of a seagull in Rocky Pointe still follows me. Well, today I was playing golf with a few buddies, including my accomplice in the seagull killing, and on my very first shot I hit a low line drive with my driver into a group of pigeons nestled on the front fringe of the fairway. As the ball soared towards them it nailed one, but that didn't stop the ball, which luckily for me rolled quite far. The guys were like "Did you just hit a bird? I can't believe that". Sure enough we could see one flopping around, but then suddenly it stopped moving, so I wasn't sure if I had killed it or just knocked it unconscious. As we walked up to the bird it started flopping around with it's head laying on the ground. I thought I had broken it's neck and was going to have to kill it, but thankfully it jumped up and started limping around, and I realized I had just broken it's wing. Then the bird hobbled around like it was drunk, and finally walked over to a tree. So now I've killed a seagull and crippled a pigeon. Hooray...

I set my clocks early cuz I know i'm always late..

2007-05-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

So based on the number of comments on my previous post I have to either bash the midwest or Christian pop-culture to get people to leave any.:)
Anywhoo, my time at GCU has come to an end. I officially still work here until May 31st, but for the most part I'm done, which is exciting and weird at the same time. Exciting because of the anticipation of what's ahead, but weird because I'm leaving a place that I've called home for the last 3 years. I'm unusually content about all of this, and in this state of uncertainty, life is really good, which is all God because I really should be going crazy. In another weird twist, the notion of possibly returning to Cal Baptist to work as an RD has presented itself. I have mixed feelings about this, but I'm very open and interested in the possibility, not to mention it gets me back home to California, which I dearly miss. But the best part about all this is that I have this weird peace about it all, and that's such a great feeling. I guess I should give this stuff to God more often huh?

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions...

2007-04-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

I drove by a church the other day and the sign in front said "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus", then today I saw one that said "The Bible is God's mapquest". Why does Christianity have to be a catch phrase? And not even a cool catch phrase, we have to be lame. Seriously, we have so much commercialized cheesy crap that I bet Jesus looks down from Heaven and is embarrassed. I mean the man suffered on a cross and how do we repay Him, by sticking His face on every product imaginable. He died for an uncool group people. Now, don't go "super Christian" on me, I realized He died for all regardless of class or race, but let's be real people, why do we have to turn Jesus into a commodity or a one-liner? Ironic that other religions don't do this. I mean I can't wait for my Mohammed night-lite or my Ghandi bubble gum.

On another note, this past week has been interesting in regards to my job situation, which is that right now there is nothing, but I have an odd peace about it. I had it out with the Lord last week about the future and where I might end up, and His answer was to give me this weird peace. I guess that's part of having faith and patience, but I'm kind of worried He might stick somewhere worse then Arizona, like the Midwest where it gets ungodly cold. I could just ignore him and go my own way but then He might pull a Jonah on me and I'd get swallowed by a whale, which would be an amazing story, but who wants that??

It's deep how you can be so shallow...

2007-04-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

I find it ironic when people can't figure that they are their own problem. They blame everything else possible: other people, how they were brought up, God; but the one common factor in all their problems is them. It's like they can't conceive that their choices are the reasons for what happens in their lives. Can they be so dense?

If only people really believed that classic break-up statement "It's not you, it's me" because it's so true. And I've learned recently that it wasn't me in a past situation, it was them. So hahahaha wake up and stop putting the blame on other people, you are the problem!!!

P.S. Go Dodgers!

I can see the venom in their eyes...

2007-03-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

I find that it's easy to have faith when everything is going well. It's easy to trust God when the decisions aren't major ones. Even if things don't work out exactly how I'd like them too, it's not that big of deal because it wasn't that big in the first place. But when the future is a big question mark, and the path(s) I could take aren't as well lit as I would like, faith makes it's presence known. The thing about faith is that it's one-part exciting and two-parts extremely nerve racking. That's where I'm at right now because I seriously have no clue where I'll be in a couple months. The easy answer would be to just find another RD job somewhere and continue living in the Christian bubble. But just recently I feel like I should look elsewhere, possibly venturing out into the "real" world, which again is exciting and nerve racking. I guess I feel like I need to see what it's like, even though most people tell me to stay where I am because I have it good. Maybe I'm not supposed to have it "good".

Anyways, the NCAA tournament has been pretty exciting. It's funny how this one tournament dominates so much of our lives. People skip work to watch every game, and so much money is spent on brackets, it's crazy. But there's something pure and invigorating when you watch these kids play with such passion, and not for big bucks like in the pros. I picked Kansas to win it all, so go Jayhawks!...

Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great...

2007-03-11T01:11:00.000-07:00

I find that one of the most difficult things for me to deal with is closure, or lack thereof. I think closure is such a big deal because we live in a "what if" world. What if this had happened? What if I did this? We always wonder what would happen if we could go back and change something. Anyways, I think when we aren't satisfied or have complete understanding of why something took place it eats at us, at least it does me. I think I do a good job of moving on past unresolved things but many times a picture, place, or comment from somebody will trigger that unresolved situation. The worst is when it involves another person who thinks the situation is resolved because then it will most likely never lead to closure. There's just some people out there who I want to go bang on their door and say "What the heck! I gotta resolve this, even if I'm wrong in the end. Just explain this to me. Make me understand!" But alas, life doesn't work that way...

Each time I see you force a smile my heart just breaks...

2007-01-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

I miss my remote. My poor remote (RIP) met it's fatal demise when it was unexpectedly thrown into the air and collided with the front door. The perpetrator was an angry video-gamer who felt he was being cheated by Madden 07. The remote spent the last 4 yrs bringing joy and easy maneuvering of many channels. It will be missed and always hold a special place in my heart.
It sucks not to have one. It's like I'm stuck in the 60's. I have to actually get up to change the channel, which I'm too lazy to do so I watch a bunch of crap I don't normally.

Anywhoo, life is going to be taking some turns in the near future. I'm definitely done in Arizona and am ready to move on to a new place and job. I had this opportunity last year but decided to stay, but I'm really at peace with leaving, even though I have no clue where I'll end up, it's exciting. It's weird to still work somewhere when you know it's getting towards the end. It's almost like just before you graduate, and everything is up in the air, but I'm definitely not as nervous or worried as I was when I was getting ready to graduate. I learned from my last experience like this to let God open the doors, and even when I think He's not doing anything He is. I just have to have faith and patience, and I'll end up where He wants me to be. Alas, that is easier said then done...

I didn't mean to scare you, you just seem really nice...

2007-01-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

I've noticed while surfing through blogs (random and familar) that there's a lot of complaining going on. I think that for the new year we here in the blogger world need to gain a little perspective. The simple fact one has a blog means they are better off then a good portion of the world. Having a blog means having access to a computer, most likely owning it, and being able to read, write, and type, which is better then a lot of other people out there. So what if gas prices are high, so what if your neighbor still has their christmas decorations out, so what if johnny doesn't like you, get over it. Appreciate what you have, cherish it because it could be gone in a flash and you'll only be left with a distant memory...

Cause a party ain't great cuz the booze is free...

2006-12-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a while since I've posted. Just haven't really been in the mood to blog, but here are some musings of mine:

So I've had my tattoo for a month now and I love it. I'm ready to add to it, but it's still weird to walk by a mirror and see it or when I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt the bottom foot of the angel is visible. Having one has led me to pay more attention to other people's tats and I've come to realize that there is a lot of bad ink out there. I'm not really a person who believes a tattoo has to have some deep meaning. No doubt it should have some meaning, but it doesn't need to be the basis of your spiritual essence. If it's cool and good artwork then go for it, however, a lot of people have stupid tats. It's crazy some of the stuff I see on people and its almost as if they don't realize it'll be on their body forever.

Christmas time is upon us and you know what that means: more pointless consumerism and a whole bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus. I don't want to be a negative Nelly about this, but seriously if I see one more giant inflatable Santa or snowman I'm going to throw up. I enjoy Christmas lights, Christmas trees, all the goodies, etc etc but all this crap is pointless when the real meaning is lost. We spend so much money on Christmas decorations it's ridiculous. How much of that money could go towards the poor? Isn't that the "spirit" of Christmas, helping others? I don't know, maybe I'm the crazy one.

Finally, the show Rob and Big on MTV is one of the best I've seen in a while. It's the first "reality" show that isn't stupid, crude, and fake. It's funny and fresh and really laid back. It doesn't feel fake or that they set up the plots or anything. Check it out if you haven't seen it...

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean, and my fists got hard and my wits got keen...

2006-10-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how I would respond in tough situations. I always seem to think about this when I watch movies regarding war or the hero having to rise to the occasion. I wonder if I would "rise". I just want to be able to test my mettle against the odds. To come through on top in the end, with a really badass song playing in the background. Maybe I should just get into a bar fight. But really, I think all guys wonder this. Could we overtake the enemy on that hill with death staring us in the face? If this big guy has too much to drink and attacks my friend will I bust his nose? If I keep watching Jackass will I be able to perform some of these stunts? :)
But in all seriousness I just wonder if I would step it up if death or injury was on the line. I'd like to think I would but I really have no way of knowing until I'm actually in the situation. Sometimes life just seems so bland, the mundane-ness of having a job, dealing with traffic, paying bills, etc etc, life would be more exciting in the movies, but then again that's why we watch them, to escape our own reality. I'm kind of rambling here but I just want a shot at being that guy, being tested, the good overcoming the evil. Maybe I will get into a bar fight...

Cause your just the girl all the boys wanna dance with and I'm just the boy who took too many chances...

2006-10-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

The difficulty and complexity of relationships, particular with those of the fairer gender, have gotten me again! Once again I've taken the initative, once again I've made the effort, and once again I've received a boot to the throat. Well not literally, but that's what it feels like. The "Blow-off" actually took place. It's been awhile since me and the big B.O. have hung out but we've been reunited and it definitely doesn't feel so good. It's to the point now where I don't even want to put out the effort with girls. The investment isn't worth the reward to me right now, and that scares because I'm afraid that I'll actually miss a good one because I'm hiding from all the bad ones.
Why can't things be simple like when we were little and you just checked the "yes" or "no" box? Those were the good ol' days. It was direct and honest and a guy knew where he stood. Then some little philly decided to create the "maybe" box, and that birthed the dreaded DTR talks. Suddenly guys had to analyze the relationship, body language and signals, ahhhhhh! It kills me! Drama, drama, drama, that's all it is.
I don't know why I complain. I always say I'm done with girls, and then I begin to duct tape my heart back together. But it doesn't last because soon the soothing song of some siren will convince me to bring the heart out into the open only for her to step on it, probably with a boot or perhaps a high heel of some sort...

A melancholy town where we never smile...

2006-09-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

So I've been getting harassed about not posting in a long time, so I figured I should appease my fans and write.

So the big 2-5 has come and gone. It's weird to think that I've been alive for a quarter century. High school doesn't seem that long ago, and college feels like yesterday. I always thought I'd be married by the time I turned 25, it always felt like a good age to be married, alas I am no where close to marriage at this moment. Birthdays have become a time for reflection for me. To look back at my past and ahead to my future and wonder if I've really done anything or will do anything. I guess part of me is content with living a life of anonymity, only being known amongst my family and friends, however, part of me wishes to be somebody big and important. Somebody, that when this body fails me, leaves a name that people instantly recognize upon hearing it. Perhaps this is my identity paradox...

I give you my life cuz I don't own anything...

2006-07-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

"Give me your hand," he said.
"Why?" she replied.
"Because I want to show you something," he whispered gently.
"So show it to me," she whispered back.
"No, please give me your hand. Trust me," he whispered again.
"Why can't you just show me whatever it is right now!" she snapped.
"Because it doesn't work that way. I need you to just trust me", he pleaded.
"No, that's stupid. If you want me to see it then show it to me now," she said stubbornly.
"You don't understand. It doesn't work that way. In order for you to see it you have to trust me. Please, we don't have much time," he begged.
"No, if you can't show it to me right now, then I don't want to see it. If you really loved me then you wouldn't play these games with me," she said harshly.
"I do love you. Why do you think I'm here?" he asked.
"I don't know, but if you won't show me then I'm leaving," she said.
"Wait!" he exclaimed, but she had already began to walk away.
As she looked back at him one last time she mumbled, "What could be so important?"
"Heaven," he said softly, "Heaven"...

If I told you this was killing me would you stop...

2006-07-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

So I guess I have finally become somebody because my name is now on a business card. Yep, after working here for 2 years I noticed a bunch of new business cards on the front desk of our office and right there was my name on about 30 of them. I think I may just start depositing them into those bowls I see at businesses that do drawings for free stuff. I think if I won a free lunch my life would reach a new level of coolness which has yet to be seen.

Anyways, the last couple of weeks have had me feeling indifferent about a lot of things. Coming to terms of the let down of leaving Ireland and re-entering my life here in Arizona has been hard. I miss Ireland and the people there, and it was wonderful to be engulfed in a different culture with a distinct purpose, but now I'm back and have really been contemplating my passion and purpose for what I do now. Not that I'm waging Ireland versus Arizona specifically, but just wondering where my life-journey is going to take me after this. I really only see myself here in AZ another year, especially if I want to pursue a Masters degree because my options are limited here. But do I really want to pursue one? I know God will provide different opportunities but I guess because of these slow summer days it's given me too much time to sit and ponder the future...

She said, she said, she said, why don't you just drop dead...

2006-07-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

So I've been back from Ireland for about 5 days now, which has given me a lot of time to reflect on my trip. It's hard to really put into words all the feelings and thoughts from my experience. It was just a great time, and it was refreshing to be around people with authentic excitement about Jesus. It's hard sometimes in the Christian "bubble", it's very easy to get complacent and stagnant because I'm not stretched and challenged in the bubble. Being out there on the mission field is an experience like no other. It definitely gives one a different perspective and world view. But even being back now things already seem so different, like they've already gone back to the way they were before I left to go. If I could just stay in the moment of those 2 weeks in Ireland my life would have so much more clarity and purpose, but now Im back to a fuzzy future. Not that Im afraid of mystery or the unknown, but sometimes I feel that Im not living up to my potential as a believer on my own. Sure, put me on a mission trip for 2 weeks and Im golden, but what happens when I go back to my regular life? Does it change? Have I changed? Does it matter? Do I care? Yes on all accounts I hope...

I'll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it...

2006-05-30T22:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what my identity lies in. I not a musician or an artist. I don't really do anything so well that you could label me by it. I guess I can be considered a Jack-of-all-trades type of person since I'm into a lot of things but none are so dominant you could say "Hey there's Ronnie, he's a ________". But why is identity important? We all have different talents and skills, what others are strong in I may be weak in and vice versa, but why do I strive to be known through these talents and abilities? Why don't I strive to find my identity in Christ? For it is by Him that anything that I do has any importance. It doesn't matter if Im an athlete or a musician or a sculptor if that is my sole identity. I could be considered nothing by the worlds standard, but considered everything by Christ's. The core of my being should not be built out of my talents and abilities because it is Christ who gave me those in the first place, but rather, my core should be built out of who I am in Him and me striving to better understand that identity...

Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light...

2006-05-19T23:54:00.000-07:00

Short story continued:

The next day the Boy went to the wall at the usual meeting time, but the Girl was not there, so he waited. She still did not come, and so the Boy left thinking that she was probably busy. He went the next day, but again the Girl was not there. He began to worry that something was wrong. Maybe she didn't want to talk to him anymore he wondered. But then he told himself to stop over-analyzing everything. He told himself to stop being a "girl". So the Boy went home hoping that the Girl would be there the next night. The next night came and the Boy went to the wall as usual and this time the Girl was there. He asked her why she hadn't been there the other nights. The Girl said that she realized that she had been talking to him at the wall way too much and that she needed to cut back. This surprised the Boy, and immediately there was an awkward silence. The Boy wanting the silence to end decided to bring up his feelings about the Girl. He told the Girl how he liked her and thought that was she was an amazing person, and hoped that they could be something more than just friends. The Girl responded that she did not feel the same way about the Boy. This shocked the Boy who had thought for sure the Girl liked him. He asked her why she talked to him so often and so much if she didn't like him. The Girl said that she did like him at one time, but that she didn't like him anymore. The Boy was speechless and unsure of how to respond to this. The Girl told him that she thought he was a great guy and still wanted to talk to him at the wall. The Boy, at a lost for words and real thought, simply replied maybe. The Girl said she didn't want to lead him on and she said she wanted to tell him all this before he got hurt, but it was too late. The Boy, sad and heartbroken, left the wall and went home.

It was two weeks before the Boy ever made any contact with the Girl. During those two weeks the Boy thought about the Girl a lot. He was very confused about the whole situation because he was quite certain that she liked him. He began to wonder if something was wrong with him because the Girl liked him when she talked with him for hours and hours at the wall, but when she met him in person her feelings changed. He also wondered exactly when her feelings changed, but he figured he would never really get an answer to those questions. One day he decided that he still wanted to be friends with the Girl. He realized that he cherished their friendship and did not want to lose it over something like this. He also felt like he was being rude by cutting off communication from her. So the Boy decided to write the Girl a letter, which he had another servant boy deliver to her. In the letter the Boy said that it was a tough two weeks not talking to her, and that he missed talking to her at the wall. He said that he still wanted to be friends, and that her friendship was important to him, He said that he knew things could never be the same but that he didn't want to lose her over this. The Girl wrote back to the Boy and said that they did not have to be strangers and that the Boy could write to her "now and then". She also said it would be okay if he gave her an "update" about his life once in a while. This really saddened the Boy because once again he had shared his heart only to be hurt. The Boy did not expect a letter with such a lack of feeling and emotion from the Girl. He had hoped that she at least had missed him and/or their talks, but the Girl had said nothing about them. It was as if the change in the relationship was no big deal to her. The Boy wrote her again and said that he hoped they could keep contact more frequently then "now and then" and that he hoped to see her at the wall some time. The Girl did not reply back.

A week went by and the Boy wrote the Girl a letter just to say hello, and the Girl wrote back simply to say fine. Another week went by and the Boy again wrote a letter to say hello and see how she was, and again the Girl wrote back simply to say fine. A few times the Boy went to the wall in hopes he might run into the Girl, but he never did. The Boy didn't really know what to think of the situation because the Girl seemed to have no interest in being friends with him. Then a week later the Girl wrote him a letter for 3 straight days. This really confused the Boy because the Girl seemed to not want to write to him, and then suddenly she was, and writing a lot. The last letter had asked for an "update". The Boy had gotten sick recently, and so he told the Girl about that, and she wrote back and said she hoped he felt better soon. A few days later the Girl wrote to him and said that she would be at the wall that night. The Boy, excited and nervous because he hadn't talked to the Girl in so long, ran off to the wall, but again she did not show. The Boy, distraught and confused, went back to the castle. He did not understand what was going on with her. The Girl was the one who said she still wanted to be friends and talk with him at the wall, but she had shown no effort whatsoever. Their conversations were at one time frequent, deep, and fun, but now the Boy had been downgraded to "now and then" letters and "updates". How a relationship that was once so fruitful and alive could abruptly become so withered and dead was beyond his grasp. She never talked to him at the wall even though she was the one who wanted to continue those talks. It was if she no longer cared.

The Boy began to realize that he just needed to let the Girl go. Even though he still cared about her and wanted to salvage their relationship in whatever way he could, he knew that he could not make the Girl want to be friends with him. The saddest part about the whole ordeal was that it seemed as if the Boy had wasted those two months he spent talking to the Girl at the wall. They seemed to have such great chemistry and so much fun together, but unfortunately it did not work out for the best. The Boy hopes and wishes the best for the Girl, and he hopes that maybe one day things will change and maybe they can be friends, but that's all he can do; hope and wait...

The End

His smile's your rope, so wrap it tight around your throat...

2006-05-19T08:40:00.000-07:00

Short story continued:

One day the King asked the Boy to go into the village to do some errands for him. He told the Girl about it, and said that he would finally like to meet and talk without the wall in the way. He told the Girl he would leave early and get the errands done and then ride over and meet her by her castle. Her castle was not on the way to the village, but the Boy believed that if he left early enough he could make it over to her and then back to his castle in plenty of time. The Girl agreed and they met that night outside of her castle. The Boy was very excited and nervous at the same time. When she arrived they chatted for a bit and then the boy gave her a gift because it had been her birthday 2 weeks earlier and the gift he had for her would not fit through the hole in the way. The Girl was very pleased with the gift, and she was quite thankful. The Boy and Girl began to walk around the forest together under the starry sky, and they stopped to sit on a rock. The conversation was just as good and fun as it was by the wall. The Boy began to realize that he really liked the Girl, but was still hesitant to say anything for fear that she didn't feel the same. The Girl began to get cold and so they walked back to her castle and went into the stable to stay warm. They continued talking for another couple hours until it was very late, and so they both departed. Just before he left the girl invited him to come over in two days to have dinner with her and friends.

The Boy was very excited to see the Girl again and after playing cards with his best friend for a few hours he decided to start out on his journey over to the Girl's castle. Dinner went really well, and he enjoyed talking with the Girl's friends. After dinner they all had some tea. The Girl liked her tea extra hot, and she placed her tea next to the Boy's. When the Boy reached for his tea he accidently knocked over the Girl's extra hot tea and it spilled all over her lap. The Girl began to scream and squirm as the hot tea soaked through her knickers and touched her skin. The Boy, very embarrassed, ran and got a towel and tried to clean it up the best he could. After the initial shock and sting ended the Boy apologized and they had a good laugh about it. The Boy offered to get her another cup of tea, but the Girl declined all decided to go out into the forest for a walk, however, the Girl stated she would only go if nobody made any jokes about the spilling of tea since it had gotten all over her clothes. As they began walking the Girl's two friends began walking very quickly and then suddenly there were so far in front of them they could barely be seen. The Boy thought this was odd because suddenly they were alone, and he thought that maybe this was a good time to share his feelings, but he still waited because he felt he would be rushed. Their walk took them along some little cottages where they could see into the homes and see what the people were doing. The Girl was very intrigued by what people were doing in their homes and she kept peering in and watching. The Boy thought this was very strange. Along the way they spotted different animals including a raccoon in a tree. As they began to walk back to the castle the Girl's friends yelled at them to watch out for a skunk, and so they moved out of that path and onto another one. When they got back they all sat and talked for a while and then the Boy departed. As he rode back home the Boy thought about the Girl and how much he liked her. He decided that the next time they spoke at the wall he would bring up his feelings because he was sure that the Girl felt the same way.

To be continued in the next blog...

Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one...

2006-05-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

A short story:

Once upon a time there was a servant boy who lived in a Castle and worked for a king. Everyday after serving the King he would go for walks in the surrounding forrest. One day he came across the large stone wall that bordered the King's land. He heard the voice of a young girl calling him to come over to the wall. Curiously, he walked over to the wall the and noticed there was a crack in the it the size of his fist. He looked through the crack and on the other side was a young girl with blond hair and blue eyes. The Boy thought the Girl was very pretty. They began talking, and it turned out the Girl actually was a servant for the King who lived on the other side of the large stone wall. They talked for quite a while, and then it got late and so the Girl said she needed to get back. They both decided they would come back to the wall the next day. They soon began going to the wall to talk almost everyday.

The Boy and Girl really enjoyed talking to one another. They talked about everything: life, love, past relationships, funny and embarrassing stories, sports, movies, and music. They would talk for hours on end. Many times the Girl would say she had to go because it was getting late, but the Boy would start on a new topic and the Girl would stay for a little while longer. The Boy began to think a lot about the Girl during the day when he was working, and he began to realize that this Girl was much different then other girls he knew. His feelings were different about her as well. The Boy didn't quite know what to think about it, and he wondered if he should tell the Girl about his feelings, but he decided to wait because he wasn't sure, and he didn't want to mess up the great talks they were having.

To be continued in the next blog...

While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun...

2006-05-17T03:34:00.000-07:00

As I laid on an a operating table in a cold room, the anesthesiologist said "Ok Ronnie Im going to give it to you, take deep breaths". And then, in what felt like a few moments, I was awake in another room, my knee all wrapped up and a nurse attending to me. It was weird because I had no recollection of falling asleep or anything that had happened from that time to when I had woken up. I just knew that my knee was very sore.

I started to think about how if I had died on that operating table I would not have been prepared for it. Not that anybody is really ever prepared for death, but I always figured that if a doctor told me I was going to die that I would begin to reflect on my life or perhaps change the way I lived it during my last days. You know do all these exciting crazy things that I don't have time for right now, and to make sure my family and friends knew that I loved them. I would at least come to terms with my mortality, and hopefully find peace in knowing that I was leaving this world to join a far greater one.

Then there are those extreme moments when we think we might possibly die, where they say our "life flashes before our eyes", at those moments any variety of things could cross our mind, but I didn't even have time for that. Now, obviously, arthroscopic knee surgery does not have a high mortality rate but anytime you are put to sleep there is a level of risk that you might not wake up. I wasn't really worried that anything would happen, but it's a little scary to think that your life could be over in a second and there's nothing you could do to stop it. I guess it shows that life really is that fragile, so we need to live it with purpose and remember to tell the ones we love that we love them, and to go out and experience a few crazy things...

You're young and depressed, but you're very well dressed...

2006-04-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

I get so frustrated with my lack of commitment and consistency. It seems that I always fall back into the stupid things that I know are clogging my life and distancing me from growing closer to God. Jesus said it simply,"Follow me". It's very honest and direct, and I long to do it and nothing else.
I make these plans and goals of how I can better follow Him, but sin always seems to creep in like a shadow. But that's no excuse! I need to be better prepared, be in the Word and on my knees. I need to walk the walk, and not just talk about being a believer, but actually doing it, and persistently at that. I seemed so much stronger in high school, my knowledge was small, but my faith was big, and now it's seems as though that hast been reversed. I know too much! I let my knowledge take place of my actions, and it needs to stop...

Where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away...

2006-04-10T01:06:00.000-07:00

I've realized that when one partakes of certain grown-up beverages that there comes a point where you reach a moment of clarity and everything seems to make sense. Now, it takes a certain amount of these beverages to find this clarity, but even if it is only for a moment it almost seems worth it, of course in the morning one may disagree, but for that one instance you view your world from above. You speak truth, even if its harsh. You share your deepest feelings for those around you even if you don't know them, which can be awkward depending on who it is and what you say. Your problems with women and your job and issues in general just seem to be put on hold, and you feel free. In some instances you become more philosophical and determined to get your point across to your fellow patrons, other times you are just loud and funny, and want to tell everyone just how much you love them, and sometimes you just play a lot of air guitar :) Nevertheless, for one night the only things that matter are the good people you are with and the good spirits you are indulging in. Inevitably, however, this wonderful night ends into a not-so-wonderful morning of reality, which makes you wonder why you did it in the first place, but then you do have those terrific memories of clarity, well, maybe... :)

I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well...

2006-04-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I have it all together, and then life throws me a curveball that I wasn't ready for and I swing and miss badly. Just when I think I have it figured it out things get messed up, and I have to start all over. It's frustrating and discouraging and makes me want to just stop trying. The worst of it all is that there is no one to blame, it's just one of those things that happens. It's life, and that's it. And I'm not trying to be a whiner or obtain any pity because most of the time life is really great, but sometimes it just sucks and this is one of those times...

The moon is down, and heaven is waiting...

2006-03-28T23:50:00.000-07:00

"What is it that really binds the temporal and the eternal? What is it other than love, which therefore is before everything else and remains when all else is past."
-----"Works of Love" by Soren Kierkegaard

The weight of this statement goes far beyond the capacity of my mind. It's so simple, so plain, yet so true and deep. It all boils down to love, and only love...

I should go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear...

2006-03-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

"I cannot now remember whether she was naked or clothed. If she were naked, then it must have been the almost visible penumbra* of her courtesy and joy which produces in my memory the illusion of a great and shining train that followed her across the happy grass. If she were clothed, then the illusion of nakedness is doubtless due to the clarity with which her innermost spirit shone through the clothes. For clothes in that country are not a disguise: the spiritual body lives along each thread and turns them into living organs. A robe or a crown is there as much one of the wearer's features as a lip or an eye."
---- "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis

*penumbra--a space of partial illumination (as in an eclipse) between the perfect shadow on all sides and the full light

One day we will live without shame. We will not run and hide and cover ourselves before God. We will be standing there before Him as He created us. Joy will illuminate our souls in such a way that our nakedness will be seen as glorious! Free from our old wretched bodies before the Throne in complete awe of His being. Simply wonderful...

You're beautiful, but not beneath your skin...

2006-02-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

Why is being beautiful so important to an ugly world? Is it because we can't dare to look at ourselves? Our whole understanding of the word has become demented and disillusioned by lust, pride, and selfishness. We sum people up by our own personal measure of beauty. We judge them; beautiful, ugly, hot, fat, cute, etc. We perceive them based on the label we give them. But is being beautiful and being ugly based solely on looks alone? I'm not so naive as to believe that isn't the general view, but what about the truly beautiful people. The people who are aesthetically beautiful. The people who please our senses. People who we gravitate to, not because they are just beautiful on the outside, but because their soul is beautiful to us. I know girls who are very attractive, "hot" even, but they aren't beautiful because they have an ugly soul, that is, they are lacking in integrity, character, and compassion. I also know girls who may not be as attractive as the "hot" girl, but have a beauty that goes beyond any visible virtue, something intangible that takes hold of a person in their company. These are the beautiful people of the world, however, television, magazines, and the media in general will tell you differently, glorifying the emptiness that is superficial beauty, which we emphatically embrace because we have forgotten in whose image we have been created.

We are an ugly bunch. Covered in sin and relishing in it. I am ugly, you are ugly, we are ugly. Luckily, a beautiful person died for this ugly world. Extending a hand of grace to dying souls so that one day we can transcend all this nonsense, and reach a place of aesthetic beauty far beyond our dreams. So beautiful...

If love is the labor I'll slave till the end...

2006-02-19T01:12:00.000-07:00

The Beloved desires to be pursued; wanted above all other things. To be held, to be carried, to be swept off it's feet. The Beloved wants to be fought for, to be the prized possession; worth dying for. To be beautiful, to be cherished, to be touched.

The Lover desires to pursue; to find a love above all other things. To hold it, to carry it, to sweep off it's feet. The Lover wants someone to fight for, to rescue, to die for. To tell its love it's beautiful, to cherish it, to touch it.

The Christ pursues His love, wants it above all other things. Holds it, carries it, and sweeps it off it's feet. The Christ fights for it, rescues it for it is HIS prized possession, and has died for it. His love is beautiful to Him, He cherishes it, and He touches it...

Stop burning bridges and drive off of them...

2006-01-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long time everything in my life seems to be clicking. Work is going really good. I feel very organized, and I feel that I'm planning ahead for events and everything seems to be falling into place. Over the last 6 weeks I've lost 15 lbs. and am exercising daily and feel great. I've been eating better, cut down on soda, and don't eat late anymore. My weight has always been something I've battled with, but up until now I've never really been committed to losing any of it. A new job possibility looms as I begin to apply to different schools for another RD position. This really excites me because I really don't know where I'll end up. I've started a Bible study with guys in the dorm, and it appears that there might be as many as 12 guys coming every week, which is double what I had coming last year.
Upon thinking about this today I realize that with my life as wonderful as it is I'd never even thought about giving thanks to God. He has blessed me with so much, and I never even gave it a thought. It's amazing how when things are going good we put God on the backburner and take credit for everything, but as soon as the trials of life hit we call out to Him or pass the blame upon Him. We should thank Him and praise him in good times and bad because He is worthy of that. I'm reminded of the apostle Paul who was so consistent in praising Him whether he was in jail, traveling, or visiting with people. Just something to think about...

When I say "shotgun", you say "wedding"...

2006-01-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

As I sat on my friend's porch tonight smoking a nice cigar, I watched as the clouds swayed across a moonlit sky. I saw many different clouds that formed many different shapes: faces, a truck, a bus, a flower, and so on and so on. Everytime I turned away from the sky and then looked back the clouds had moved and my shape was gone. As I stared out into the glossy gray night I realized that this is one of the "small things" in life I enjoy, and that for some time now I had not been paying attention. It seems that lately I've been missing the smaller things in life, or at least not appreciating them. It really is the small things that matter because they are particularly important to me, and I don't necessarily need anyone else to enjoy them, although sharing with others can be nice as well.

Shapes in the clouds, a starry sky, a cool breeze, a warm hug, a smile from a pretty stranger, a light rain, a sunset, crisp ocean water between my toes, the smell of the forest, a backscratch, a phone call, brownies, a postcard, a nice walk, laying in the grass, the sound of playing catch, a crackling fire, a good cigar, a comfy chair, people watching, a lost friendship renewed, comfortable silence...

God showers blessings on the righteous and the wicked, I only know that covers me...

2005-12-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I question if God knows what he's doing. Certain things happen and all I can do is question if His divinely infinite mind is making the right decisions. Last year, some old college friends of mine who are amazing believers were only a few days away from having their first child, when she had a miscarriage and had to deliver a dead child. What is the purpose of that? Why bring such pain to a couple who are devout followers and were completely engulfed by the joy that comes with having a child? And what about Alzhemiers disease? The disease which could possibly be the worst because it causes one to forget everything. Your childhood memories, your name, and worst of all the very people who love you. The stories I hear from people who have family members suffering from this disease are some of the saddest I've ever heard. Why are drunk drivers the ones who always live? How can it be that so many children suffering from hunger and abuse? I guess I just wonder about the whole concept of evil, and why bad things happen to good people. I understand that we are responsible for bringing sin into the world and that all this hurt is caused by it, but sometimes I just wish these bigger hurts could be handled by God in such a way that it world completely shake and change the world; and so I hope.

Deep in my soul I know that God's hand is working in all of these things even if I can't see it, but it's just hard sometimes to deal with it. I know that His mind is infinite and mine is finite, and I will never really understand, and honestly I don't know if I would want to, but sometimes it's just so disheartening to see the pain around me and not be able to do anything about it. Feeling powerless and crying out to a God who has allowed it to happen in His supreme insight just seems pointless, but I know that one day it will all end, and I hope that day is soon; and so I hope...

Breakin' hearts never looked so cool...

2005-12-08T00:31:00.000-07:00

I've always been someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. My biggest problem when it comes to relationships is liking someone way too fast, which usually leads to a bigger let down and heartbreak. For whatever reason it never seems to work out, and I always end up promising myself I won't go down that path again, but inevitably I do and it just seems to be an endless cycle.

It's frustrating to me when girls say that they wish guys would be more assertive and take the initiative and pursue because I do just that and I only get rejection. It's come to the point where I'm hesitant to share any feelings of interest or "liking" with a girl because I'm afraid to be hurt again. I think a lot of guys feel this way, and I don't think girls understand just how hard it is for guys to share their feelings for a girl or in some cases even ask them out for fear of being rejected. It puts us in a state of vulnerability, which is something we are not accustomed to, and when we get constantly rejected it's a state in which we'd prefer never to experience again.

I think our whole perception of love, relationships, and dating is all messed up and twisted. Girls have this distorted reality of some prince in shining armor coming to their rescue and whisking them away in some romantic fairy tale, but it's all a joke. Hollywood has created all these "chick-flicks" that produce false expectations of the ideal and not the real, and although it's nice to think that things could be that way, one has to realize that it isn't the truth. No man is Prince Charming, and if we are constantly compared to this perfect man then we will always come up short. On the other side, guys are twisted by pornography, swimsuit issues, and airbrushed women. We think these images are the way women should look, but in reality its all fake and superficial. Porn distorts our minds as to what sex should be. It glorifies the lust and defiles the intimacy and glory that it should bring God.

With all these factors I think our entire concept of love is misconstrued. We see it as these warm little fuzzy feelings that we have for somebody we care about, but to really love somebody is a commitment that we don't totally understand. The Christian philosopher Soren Kierkergaard talks about how love is the full extention of oneself. To totally commit to someone and fully sacrifice personal desires for those of the loved one. I do not believe that we perceive our "love" in that matter, especially when we so loosely interchange our love for a person with that of a dog, car, or restaurant.

I guess I'm kind of just rambling here, but this is something that's been on my heart lately...

Rising up against this wickedness...

2005-11-20T23:50:00.000-07:00

I think one of the most frustrating things in a relationship, whether it's just friendship, dating, or whatever, is when it seems that only one of the people involved puts forth any real effort in keeping it going. It bothers me when it seems like I always have to be the one to initiate contact, especially now that I live in another state far away from most of my friends. I realize that people are busy with work, school, and everything else that goes on in life, but at the same time how long does a phone call or an email take to someone who you really care about? I guess I'm just one of those people that will put those other things on hold because my friends are something I hold dearly to my heart. I'm not really close with a lot of my family outside of my immediate family, and so I see my friends as family.

I just get really frustrated because I'm always the one who calls and makes plans, and I always get bailed on. What's the point of putting forth the effort if is not returned? It's especially hard with people whom I've been friends with a long time and it just seems like our friendship doesn't matter enough for them to make a reasonable effort. I don't know, maybe I'm over-reacting but I just see myself as a very loyal friend and l feel like Im fighting a lost cause...

I'm beggin' you to be my escape...

2005-11-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been really anticipating the arrival of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every year, as soon as Halloween is over, my mind turns to the thought of family, food, and vacation. But upon pondering these things I've been thinking about how it seems that the anticipation of such events is almost always better then the actual events themselves. The thought of being with my family, seeing old friends, getting fatter with every scrumptious morsel, and the exchanging of gifts gets me really excited, but then once all of it is over is seems that it has come and gone much too fast. It seems to me that many things in life occur in this fashion.

Life can be summed up as a long series of events, and in between these events comes anticipation, which can either be good or bad. I remember as a kid counting down the days to my birthday. The biggest day of the year of course! My big day! Presents and money and cake! All that good stuff. But then when it was all over it was back to the regular way of life. What a big let down! On the flip side, I can remember hating the dentist with a passion. I hated the smell of the office. I hated the feel of that big chair. I hated the sounds. And I especially hated the taste of getting my teeth cleaned. As a little kid I saw this hygenial trip as the definite end of my being. I would cease to exist after going to the dentist. But of course after I went, life went back to normal, and I had a new sense of relief, that is, until another 6 months went by.

Life is often described as a roller coaster that has its ups and downs and twists and turns. And I think anticipation plays a major role in how we react on this journey. But what if we could freeze one moment in particular and live our life in that moment forever? Like U2 sings about being "stuck in a moment", what if we could be stuck in a moment of our choosing? It could be with that one special person, or be a specific feeling that you never want to let go of. We could pause our lives at the exact moment in which we deem that this is the best moment of our lives, and experience it forever. Never to experience another let down. Never to look back and say "Wow, the anticipation was much better then the actual experience".

I think this is what Heaven will be like. We will forever be stuck in a moment of complete glory before the Eternal. Never to experience another let down. Never to ride the roller coaster. Never to look back and say "the anticipation was better"...

Paranoia drops bombs...

2005-11-07T02:12:00.000-07:00

So its been awhile since I've posted, but I've been compelled to write. Lately, I've been really pondering my own mortality. Not that I'm old, I'm only 24, but being in my "mid" twenties has lead me to reflect on my life. If I live to be 75 which is the average I guess for men then I've lived roughly 1/3 of my life so far. Looking back on my life I just wonder about my purpose and impact. One of my biggest fears is that one day I'll look back and wonder what happened to me. That I some how wasted it in some dead-end job or in pursuit of material possessions; selfish things that have no real value in the eternal. I mean, I only get one life and I want to live it to the fullest, but sometimes I worry that I am missing out on something great.

I think a lot about this when Im stuck in traffic and there are a hundred other people with their own lives, doing their own things. all of them going to some destination. I wonder how many of them are truly happy with their lives. If this is where they thought they'd be or if they wish their lives were different. How many of these people have lives with no real purpose other then the daily routines of going to work and paying bills and all the other things that make life so ritualistic?

I think about this too when I look at my parents. I know they don't like their jobs. They only work these jobs because it pays the bills. Neither one of them have a college degree so they are kind of stuck. My dad is almost 55 and I wonder what he thinks about his life. If this is what he expected, wanted, or is happy with? I think I'm afraid to ask him.

Life is just so fragile. In a second it can be all over. And I hope we can all put our trust in the Eternal, knowing that these lives are just temporary, but at the same time my life is the composite whole of me. It's what I know. It's tangible and accessible, and I hope in the end that it will be worth something...

I'll be your number one with a bullet...

2005-09-01T00:33:00.000-07:00

Words unsaid can never be said with the same affect
The past which was left open and then closed is now open
Cuts that became scars are now cuts again
A love that is broken by two can never be amended by one
To start over is grand, but to have it never end is the greatest of all

Another goodnight kiss is robbed of all it's passion...

2005-08-08T00:07:00.000-07:00

This is the second piece of writing dedicated to the bands that have influenced me over the years, and this one goes out to Dashboard Confessional. Now I know what you're thinking, how can this guy talk about Rage and then flip the switch and talk about DC. Well my friends, my music taste is quite diverse, and despite his recent climb to the top of the Trendy list, Chris Carraba is still the man when it comes to songs for the broken hearted who just want to scream at the top of their lungs everything that they are feeling.

I'm came into contact with DC in college through a friend who was really into him and I remember thinking "Wow it's just this dude with a guitar". This was way before he started having a backup band, and in my opinion Chris is much better alone. Anyways, I was having my own relationship heartbreak, and I remember hearing "Best Deceptions" and was like "Holy crap this is what happened to me!!! This guy totally knows what I'm feeling." And at that point I was fully connected with him forever.

Now, obviously DC isn't the most talented guitar player, in fact most of his songs are pretty simple but do have some intense strumming, but it's the lyrics that set him apart. Everybody in the world has gone through heartbreak, thus everybody can relate to these songs. You can say DC is winy, emo, whatever... but you know that when you get dumped, rejected, or jacked, you are just as winy, frustrated, confused, and angry, and these songs are for you. I loved going to his shows and having everybody know the words and singing right along. He didn't even have to sing, and sometimes he didn't. He'd let us sing because he knew these were our songs too. It was like therapy without the chair. So play it loud, and sing along at the top of your lungs, and when you see your ex give them the finger because DC is gonna take care of you...

So kiss me hard cuz this will be the last time that I let you
You will come back some day, and this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips
We be of service to giving you away, to giving you awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

This circle of hatred continues unless we react, we gotta take the power back...

2005-07-20T02:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm a regular reader of SPIN magazine, and they always have this section where an artist list the albums that influenced them, and they give a little paragraph about each one. So in the spirit of this piece, I've decided to write blogs about bands that have influenced me over the years. These are in no particular order, but just as they come to mind.

One of the bands that has greatly influenced me over the years has been Rage Against the Machine. When I first heard Rage I was in Jr. High and I heard "Year of the boomerang" off the Higher Learning movie soundtrack. I remember hearing that song and thinking what a crazy sound they had, but I was into rap and not really any kind of rock, thus I never paid any more attention to them. Later on in high school I went through this "Christians can only listen to Christian music" phase and so I couldn't listen to Rage because they were so political and they said "bad" words. The first time I really heard them was through my friend who was in love with them, and he would always play them when we Dee Jay'd at lunch during highschool. When I heard songs off their debut I was just blown away, and I decided to go get the album. I remember looking at the cover with the monk lighting himself on fire in protest, and just going "Wow, this is going to be hardcore".

The thing I love about Rage is the ferocious energy, harsh lyrics, and how Tom Morello freaking shreds like no other. Regardless if you agree with their political views, Rage brought the ruckus. And you could either listen or get the hell out of the way. Rage inspired me because they stood up for what they believed and expressed how they felt even if people didn't like what they had to say. At this point in my life, I was facing a lot with my walk with God with people questioning my faith and being challenged to step up as a Christian. Listening to Zach spit out lyrics that challenged the norm and asked people to question what they know, inspired me to do the same. With that, I began searching more deeply what it was I believed, and I began to stand firm against those who tried to knock me down.

Rage also helped me in realizing that things are not as peachy as them seem. Just because the government or any authority says something should be a certain way doesn't make it right. As people we need to seek and discern the information we are given by the media etc and make informed decisions for ourselves, and not be told how to think. I began to realize that their was lot of suffering and atrocities being committed everyday throughout the world and in America, and that definitely broke my little bubble. Rage challenges us to pay attention to what's going on in the world around us. They aren't about money, chicks, or fame, and that's seen in their music.

When they broke up it broke my heart because they were just unbelievably awesome, and I never got a chance to see them live. At a time in music where Limp Biscuit was ruining everything awesome about rap/rock, Rage stepped it up and showed how it should be done. My favorite album is their debut, and "Wake Up" is my favorite song. The Matrix was that much tighter because it ended with "Wake Up" with Zach screaming his ass off. When he gets going I get so pumped up I just wanna break something. Obviously, the members of Rage aren't Christians, and they really aren't down with religion in general, but nevertheless they make good music that makes you think, and rocks your soul. RATM, I salute thee...

Rip the Mic
Rip the Stage
Rip the System
I was born to Rage against them

Come on baby in our dreams, we can live our misbehavior...

2005-07-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

So last night I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the movie is quite amazing. It is visually stunning with lots of humor, and dance numbers by the oompa loompas :o) Anyways, one of the major things I took from the movie is that as we get older we seem to lose our imagination and creativity. The creativity and imagination that we do posses gets limited by the infiltration of logic, reason, and knowledge. Not that these things are bad, but now everything has to have some property of purpose otherwise it's useless to us.

I remember when I was little I would play with my G.I. Joes and Tranformers, and I'd be entertained for hours all by myself. Intense battles would occur with each figurine personified by my variety of voices, including a number of sound effects that I had perfected over time. Or I'd be in the backyard either alone or with a friend, and we'd have forts, castles, spaceships, and treehouses; that needed no rhyme or reason. We did it because it was fun and we loved it. There were no boundaries! It was a time of imagination and innocence. There was no concept of social trends and culture. No reality television. It was awesome.

Nevertheless, as we get older and become more educated we learn that there are boundaries and limitations. There are unwritten laws that we better be aware of if we want to be successful. We have to grab, pull, and scratch our way to the top, stepping on anybody who gets in the way. We are told what to eat, wear, watch, and drive. All this in the struggle for individuality, which really just makes us like everybody else. What happened to the boy who played with his toys for hours and hours? What happened to the boy whose body was limited by the fence in his yard, but his mind knew no boundaries? I know what happened to him. He's in line over there buying my crap he doesn't need.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the pursuit of knowledge. I love learning about philosophy and history, among other things, but at the same time I see a great difference in my own imagination and creativity. The ideas are still there, but doubt has risen where child-like faith once stood. In the movie, Willy Wonka creates all these crazy ways to make candy, and there's all these strange contraptions, gizmos, and gadgets, and the reason he created all of these is because he wanted to, not because it would make him more profit.

The apostle Paul writes about how as he got older he put away childish things, but I don't think he meant that we should lose our childlike imaginations. Our minds get filled with such garbage from television and video games that we forget what it's like to create anything on our own. Okay, I'm getting tired so I want to finish this up. I hope this makes sense, but it might not. Either way Charlie is a great movie, and it really just reopened my eyes to some childhood memories that I had long forgotten. Cheers...

Run as fast as you can, they're shootin' to kill...

2005-07-14T02:59:00.000-07:00

I hate the fact that I always get my hopes up, and I'm walking on air, floating like a kite on a breezy summer day, only to come crashing down like a big rock. Then I always tell myself I'm not going to get my hopes up anymore, no matter what! Then next time comes around, and I do the same thing. It's like I forget what happened in the past, or maybe I think it'll be different, but no the same thing happens. Then I write it all off, I'm done with it all. I'm just never going to risk anything and be content with containing all feeling and emotion and desire. But then another moment comes, and my hopes fly again. Know what I mean....

I don't wanna read the book, I'll watch the movie...

2005-07-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

So I was asked by one of my readers why I haven't posted anything in a while, and I guess I just really haven't had much to say lately. But for my inquisitive caring friend here is a blog of what's be on my mind lately.

So gay marriage has been a hot topic for a while now, and the conservative right wing never ceases to amaze me. Without a doubt I believe homosexuality is sin because God created man to be with woman, but I'm not here to debate that, it's just my beliefs, and if others don't agree that's cool because I don't really care. What I do care about is the way that Christians treat people who are homosexuals. It seems that homosexuality has been voted the worst sin of all time by contemporary Christianity. I don't know exactly when the vote was held, but I'm pretty sure it won. Christians will interact with almost any other type of person: a thief, an adulterer, a liar, even murderers, but if they run into a homosexual, oh NO! get away from me. It's like gays are the new lepers. Anyway, this possible constitutional ban on gay marriage just puzzles me because people act like the Constitution is divinely written like the Bible. I thought the constitution was written to protect people regardless of race, religion etc, but it can't protect the rights of gays? That's ridiculous. Now I remind you that the Constitution is not the Bible, and don't give me that crap about America being built on Christian values. If America really cared about Christian values, and Christians cared about the value of marriage then they would get rid of divorce. How many Christians get divorced each year? How many cheat on their spouses? And we're worried about gay people destroying the sanctity of marriage? That's BULLSHIT!!! Yeah, you read that, I said Bullshit. I'm tired of the super conservatives making Christianity look ignorant. I'm tired of Jerry Fallwell attacking the Telly Tubbies and Harry Potter. And most importantly I'm tired of people seeing Bush as some medium by which God speaks and acts. I don't doubt the President's relationship with God, but just because he's a Christian doesn't make all his decisions divine. Can't we be a group of people who seek to build relationships with those that don't know God? Why can't we do this? Why must we alienate and condemn those whom we don't understand? Jesus hung out with the worst people because he knew they needed Him the most. I wish the Bible had a story of Christ hanging out with a gay person because maybe that would have helped, but I doubt it...

We were good as married in my mind, but married in my minds no good...

2005-06-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met someone by accident or on purpose and you just really clicked? So much so that you may disregard serious shortcomings they may have because you just want to focus on the fact that you're like 2 peas in a pod? You wonder about dating this person, and where it all could lead, all the while trying to ignore aspects about them that clash with you. Perhaps you change your perception of your relationship with them to that of a girl's and think "Maybe I can help them change". You analyze everything good about them, and compare and contrast it to that which is bad, and you work to manipulate numbers that will allow a positive remainder so that you can be content in believing what you think is true, but nevertheless, you can't turn a blind eye to certain things that you know would not work in the relationship, and you can't go against what you know to be right in your heart no matter how hard you try. Have you ever met someone like this? Me neither...

I won't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends...

2005-06-04T00:27:00.000-07:00

One of the struggles I have as a Christian is interacting with people who harbor bitterness and anger towards Christianity and/or Christians because of what one or a few "Christian(s)" have done to them. Because of this they stereotype all Christians as being this way and automatically write off all of them. This sort of prejudice is usually race related, i.e. "All Mexicans are this, all blacks are that", but more and more it's seems to happen with Christianity. I'm sure it happens with others groups of faith like Muslims or Buddhists, but since I'm neither of those I can't give an informed answer. Nevertheless, I find these people more difficult because their reasons to not believe Christianity or to like Christians are driven by the forces of anger and bitterness, and not because they have searched and pondered and decided not to believe. I'd rather deal with atheists and agnostics who have traveled the journey to find faith rather than these other people.

Of course there are some atheist and agnostics who don't believe because of their experiences with Christians, but regardless one should not make such an important decision based on the representatives, that is human beings. We are fallible and sinful people who do not always make the right choice or set the right example, but that doesn't mean you should make your decision about something as important as your soul based on what you see in the average "Christian". Just as if a black person robbed your house, you should not believe that all black people are thieves. This particular person chose the life of crime and he/she happened to be black. To make such a proclamation about an entire group of people based on one individual's actions is ignorant, and just plain sad.

I think dealing with these type of people is difficult for me because I consider myself an open-minded educated Christian, and these people are so embittered by their past experiences that they close their hearts to anybody who mentions the name of Christ in any form. Forgiveness is lacking for whatever reason, which makes building a relationship quite a task. I can love them as Christ loves them, but until they let go of these feelings they will never truly be free. Their vision will forever be blurred by their own stubbornness and prejudices and that brings me much sorrow because some of the people I meet I believe that we could be close, but they won't let me get too near because I carry the name of Christ. Alas, I must continue to fight the good fight...

Just wakin' up in the mornin' gotta thank God, I dunno but today seems kinda odd...

2005-06-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

So this is the earliest I've been up in a long long time. Those of you who know me know how much of a morning person I am. Well, unfortunately the gardeners came today at 6am and I awoke from a very nice dream to the sound of which I thought was a chainsaw coming towards my head, but actually it was a lawn mower starting. These gardeners come randomly every couple of weeks, but I seriously don't know why they even bother since the grass barely grows, and weeds are the same as flowers in Arizona. As long as something is growing we are happy.

So, it's already June, and feel like I am not accomplishing anything I've wanted to do so far. Not that I had a long list of things, but just simple things like: read more, play my guitar more, exercise etc. But it's just so easy to sleep in and watch tv and play video games. It amazes me how little ambition I have sometimes....Actually it doesn't "amaze" me. At least it shouldn't because being amazed should be something that is positively awesome, not negatively awesome. Anyways, I'm going to change my ways starting today! And I'm going to start off with something I usually don't do which is to have breakfast during the typical breakfast time. I eat breakfast food, but it usually isn't in the morning so this will be something totally life changing! Or not so much...

Hello Blogger my old friend...

2005-05-31T02:22:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been quite a while since I've been back on here writing and commenting, but I figured I would reunite with my blog and begin to write again. My hiatus found me spending a lot of time on myspace, but the blogging on there just doesn't have the same aesthetic beauty as it does on here. I guess I feel that I can be deeper on this piece, whereas my myspace profile is pretty much for laughs.
Lately I've been feeling very much alone. Mainly because the dorm is now closed and only summer school is in session, so there's only myself and the women's RD living in the dorm. The campus is so vacant and slow. It's like a ghost town with only the most random of souls wandering about the campus. Moreover, it seems that I have fallen out of the "loop" with some of my friends for reasons I don't really know, but they don't invite me to hang out with them anymore. And when confronted about this they pretend like it's nothing, and that they didn't plan to hang out, and that it was spontaneous, but that's BS.
So, once again, I'm dealing with this concept of loneliness and trying to be at peace with spending time by myself. It's difficult because I really am a social butterfly, but at times I can be very secluded, but even during these times I know deep down I'd rather be out-and-about. It's also weird because I have now been at this job longer then any of my previous ones before and I'm getting itchy. Not that I want to leave because I do like my job, but I want to see what else is out there. I have "job A.D.D." because I can't stay at any job too long without getting bored of it and wanting to do something else. Many of my jobs have been summer jobs so they were destined to be short from the beginning. I can't really see myself being in AZ much longer. At least not Phoenix. I don't really like it here, and the heat just makes it worse. I miss the beach...

This turpentine chasers got kick...

2005-02-23T23:41:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've felt like I've been in a garden smelling different types of flowers, and I just can't decide which one I like best. One moment it's a rose, and I love it's smell. It's sweet and fun, and I think it's my favorite. Then the smell goes away, and I see another flower, this time a daisy. The daisy is nice too. It's different from the rose, but it still smells nice. I really like the daisy, and think that maybe it is now my favorite. But then it blows away, and I see another flower. Now it's a tulip which is different from the rose and the daisy, but is still just as great. Then I see the rose again, and leave the tulip on the ground.
I'm confused as to which is my favorite flower in the garden, and I wonder if I should even be there. These flowers are not mine to pick, but there is no owner of the garden. What should I do...

Consider this an invitation to my gangsta nation...

2005-02-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not posting in a long time, but I have found someone else. That someone else is Myspace. I love you Blogger, but Myspace does things for me that you simply cannot. I don't have time to explain it all. I still love you, but I need space, myspace.

The glove compartment isn't accurately named and everybody knows it...

2005-02-03T23:07:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading and seeing a bunch of "Top" lists on blogs and tv lately, and so I thought that I would make a top 10 list of the albums that I would keep if I could only keep 10 albums for the rest of my life. You may add your lists via comment if you so wish.

In no particular order:

1. Weezer -The blue album
2. Pedro the Lion- a compliation I made myself with the best songs of all his albums and eps
3. Jurassic 5- Quality Control
4. Stavesacre- Speakeasy
5. Rage Against the Machine- Self Titled
6. Noise Ratchet- Until we have faces
7. Five Iron Frenzy- Upbeats and beatdowns
8. Jimmy Eat World- Clarity
9. The Essential Johnny Cash
10. Dashboard Confessional Compilation

Honorable mention:
1. Jack Johnson- Brushfire fairytales
2. Project 86- All of them except for Truthless heroes
3. U2- The best of the 80's and 90's
4. The Strokes- Is this it
5. The Get Up Kids- Something to Write Home About
6. Further Seems Forever- The moon is down
7. Death Cab for Cutie- Transatlanticsm

The following are albums that could make this list but I have not been listening to them long enough to qualify:

1. The Killers- Hot fuss
2. Snow Patrol- Final straw
3. Franz Ferdinand- Self Titled
4. Modest Mouse- Good news for people who love bad news
5. Elliot Smith- From a basement on a hill

What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico...

2005-02-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

It pains me to use a country song as my title, but it seemed only fitting as I spent this past weekend in Rocky Pointe. The trip did fulfill my desire for the beach as we got to camp no more than 50 feet from the crystal blue water. It is a very beautiful place. We were very lucky to have our friend Beth on the trip because she was the only one who spoke decent Spanish despite having Anthony, who is half-Mexican on the trip. If not for her we most likely would've ended up sleeping on a rockpile or in the back of the truck with the sandy beach nowhere in sight.

Many tacos were eaten, some beers drank, and a seagull was killed when it mistakenly picked up an m-80 in it's beak thinking it was food. The bird was taken down by the blow, but did not die, and so it had to have a rock dropped on it in order to cease the suffering that was occurring. The bird did not die without revenge though because as the rock hit him he let out a saddening death cry that will resonate with the rock-dropper for the rest of his life. Happy Humpday and ground hogs day...

Lonely and dreaming of the West Coast...

2005-01-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

So I really miss the beach. I've realized that for so many years I have taken it for granted because it's always been there. I miss the cool soft sand between my toes, and the warm sun on my face. I miss the sudden jolt the freezing water gives when you jump in at midnight. I miss the feel of the sudden transformation the sand takes as you run back out of the water towards the warm bonfire. This feeling I can best describe as running across broken glass. I miss sunsets and sunrises, both of which show God's magnificent hand at work. I miss walking down the pier, and looking in people's buckets to see what they have caught that night. I miss smores and worship around the bonfire. BEACH, I love thee.

The worst part of being in Arizona is that here at school they have this huge mural of different beaches painted inside the Student Union building. It's like some sick joke the management team did to these kids. Showing them where they could be going to school; some California school next to the beach. Alas, my state of deprivation will be soon ending as I am planning an RA retreat to San Diego in February. Huzzah!!!

We don't need no water let the mofo burn...

2005-01-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

So we've had 5 fire alarms this month alone. One was actually pulled and the other 4 were miscues by the security system. The most recent one was at 5am, so hooray for dorm life.

Anyways, I've have rekindled my love for Homestarrunner after a hiatus for about a year and half. I was really into it before it got big. Me and guys on the wing watched it way back when there were only like 7 or 8 Strongbad emails, and then it got big and everybody was watching it and quoting it, and I suddenly got detached from it because it became mainstream. It was like my favorite local band got big, and was no longer mine. Funny how that happens with a lot of different things...

The problem with rules are they alienate the criminals...

2005-01-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm posting a new blog at the request of one of my readers because my last blog reached a record setting 24 comments!!! The blogger people actually wrote me and asked if I could trim them down, and I told them to cram it with walnuts because there's no way I'd censor my readers. Dubya can censor hip-hop but not me!!!
Anyways, my new music recommendation is Snow Patrol which I picked up last week, and it's really good despite the very random and simplistic band name. They have a "Coldplay" feel to them, but with out the English accent or radio play. Pick them up now because their album is really cheap everywhere. I still recommend the Killers out there to anyone who is looking for a rockin' good time.
On the movie scene, I saw "Attack on Precinct 13" tonight and it's pretty good. It's your typical Ethan-Hawk-plays-white-cop-alongside-dominant-black-actor-who-is-actually-a-bad-guy movie, much in the style of his earlier flick Training Day. The movie is definitely worth seeing because the plot is interesting, it has some good action, and Ja Rule. What more could you want in a movie...

I can tell that we are gonna be friends...

2005-01-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were young, say 3, 4, or 5, and becoming friends with somebody was so simple and easy. There were no preconditions or judgments, you just automatically became friends with whatever kid you ran into regardless of race or looks.

I observed this while at a Carl's Jr this weekend. A little girl was standing in line with her mom when another little girl (who looked like Dora the explorer) came in with her mother. The first girl was white, the second was Mexican, and instantly they became friends. They started chatting about whatever it is that 3 year-olds chat about, and they ran about the restaurant playing until their mothers called them away to eat their food.

I remember being a child and making friends everywhere I went. Even if I never saw them again because I met them at the park or beach, they were still my friends. As a child, the way somebody looked had no influence on my choice to be their friend. I was their friend because they were like me, a kid. Somewhere amidst my growing up I lost that innocence.

I guess as we get older and become "educated" we become much more judgmental and elitist. We pass judgment before we even get to know somebody based on their race or looks, and I know that I've done it plenty of times. If only we could all become little kids again...

They don't gotta burn the books they just remove'em...

2005-01-15T01:21:00.000-07:00

Alright, a big high-five to anybody who can name the band and/or song the title of this post comes from...

Anyways, I've been keeping up on my NYR and been reading my book. I really like this book, and it's weird because I've owned it for almost 4 years. In fact, I believe I might have 2 copies of it because I think I received it as a birthday gift for two separate birthdays. I began reading it long ago, and didn't really get into it, but now I love it. It's really God's timing because this book really speaks to me. It's always been hard for me to get into recreational reading, other than the newspaper, Sports Illustrated, or SPIN magazine because I've been forced to read so many books for my classes. Having been a double major in philosophy and history created a mighty big load, not to mention I was a political science major for 2 years before I switched majors. Combine all those "required" readings and it's gets very burdensome. Nevertheless, I enjoy my new found love of reading and I hope it continues.

This section of my post I am devoting to my friend Pieter who still hasn't posted a comment in a long time or left his blog addy so that I might peer into his thoughts. Hurry up and do it you little Dutch bastard... :o)

'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this...

2005-01-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

Another line from The Killers for the title, I guess that will be my new M.O. for blogging. A high five to the first reader (all 3 of you) who can correctly guess (via comment) which song and/or band my future blog titles come from.

Anyways, whoever gave my name to www.findmeadate.com is going to feel my wrath 10-fold when I find out who you are. It actually was a funny situation when the lady called me while I was in the changing room at the Burlington Coat factory. I figured it was a joke, so I kept asking if I could take her out, and she kept saying "No sir, this isn't for me, but for all the other ladies out there". Then she asked me what I was doing in a changing room. I guess realizing the obvious isn't a requirement to work the phones of an internet dating site. She's supposed to call me back so that I can take some survey, and get a free coupon for a dinner for that special lady who is sitting behind her keyboard waiting to meet me. But I'm not signing up for anything, I haven't reached that point in my life yet. Maybe in a few weeks...

I got soul but I'm not a soldier...

2005-01-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

So I've been listening to the Killers a lot lately, which is the reason for the title of this post, and it's my favorite album right now. You should definitely go pick it up, do not be scared by the name of the band.
Anyways, in accordance with my NYR I've been reading a book. The Pursuit of God by Tozer to be exact, and this man has hit my whole persona on the head. Lately, I feel that I've become bi-polar in regards to my passions. I'll read something or see something and get really inspired, but then when I leave my little zone, and the real world is before me, I buckle over and don't do any of it. Tozer really nailed me this morning while I read in the bathroom (which is my favorite place to read). I'm tired of my lack of desire, and I thirst to be more thirsty. I want God to say to my soul "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away". Seriously, that quote sums up my entire existence. I just get so bogged down with so many petty things: money, image, girls (which is by far the worst of them all), and then I will slowly come out of this Bog and want to do something. I'll be inspired by the Bible or something else and really get excited about accomplishing something, but then when I get to work or some other part of life, I just don't see the connection between what inspired me and whatever I'm dealing with that day. I hope this makes sense because it makes sense in my head, but I don't know if it does on this blog, but I don't want to retype anything. Give me grace to rise and follow...

Don't call it a comeback...

2005-01-05T01:18:00.000-07:00

So it is my return to blogging in the two-double-O=nickel, and it's great to be back. For all my readers out there (all two of you) I'm sure it was difficult to press on through the holidays without reading my witty banter. I am sorry for any inconveniences my sabbatical may have caused, but my parents computer is dial-up and we all know what that means.
Anyways, Christmas break was good. Got to see friends and be with the family, got to go to Vegas and donate some cash. Now it's back to "work" here in Phoenix. I don't usually make New Years Resolutions because I never keep them, but this year I resolute to read a book a month. Now, I don't mean a huge book, but a nice average book. I figure I can expand my mind outside of being forced to read by the college institutions. Reading is fun! So now I can read more than just Sports Illustrated, SPIN, and the Bible (this last one I highly recommend).
I hope everyone had a nice holiday, and my prayers go out to the families of those lost in the tsunami. Take care...

Heckle and Jeckle...

2004-12-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

I consider myself a professional heckler because I know how to get under people's skin without using profanity or taking personal shots at them. Of course, this talent has had to develop over time because my freshmen year of college I'd pretty much say anything at the basketball and volleyball games I attended. I take pride in my heckling. Being able to be witty and not disrespectful is not an easy thing. Possibly my best performance came this past Saturday at the NAIA championship volleyball game between MY California Baptist University Lancers and the Concordia Eagles. This was a big deal for our Lady Lancers because last year they were pretty much the worse team in all of NAIA and now they were in the championship game.
Well, Concordia's Libero (which is the back row specialist wearing the different colored jersey, if you aren't familiar with v-ball) wasn't very good. She couldn't pass well, and always seemed out of position for digs, and if you're a Libero these two things are essential. So I targeted her, and kept yelling for our girls to serve her, and hit at her. There was this ball that fell in front of her and she totally could have gotten to it had she made any kind of effort. I then yelled at her, "You gotta lay out Libero, this the championship game, and you gotta lay out". Immediately following that the Concordia coach turned around and looked at me and then got up and came over and said "You know what? These girls are giving it their all, and its NOT COOL that you are saying stuff to them. Totally NOT COOL!" Well, I'm sure I could've responded to her sarcastically, but to not raise the level of the situation, I just smiled and nodded. She then proceeded to point me out to the referee who then told the facilities manager, who then called down my old Athletic Director (who knows me quite well) and he came and talked to me. I told him what I said and he kind of just laughed it off and said "Is that all?".
Now, this doesn't appear to be that great of a heckling job, but I was not aware of who this coach was. She is a former 3 time NCAA champion, 3 time medalist winner, and in the volleyball hall of fame. So I feel pretty good that my little comments could get under the skin of such a prestigious volleyball entity, And our ladies won the championship!!! Go Lady Lancers...

Why do bad guys get the good girls...

2004-12-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

This has been something that has boggled my mind for sometime now. I just don't get it. How do guys who can only be described as the nickname for Richard get quality girls??? I mean, I know quite a few girls that are definite quality girls, but they date total A-holes. Nice guys always get jacked, and when I ask girls why this is, the answers I received are so ridiculous it makes my head hurt. My favorite one is that "usually girls do realize that their b/f is a jerk, but they know he has a good side and they care about him so they try to change him, but that doesn't usually work."
Well isn't that peachy. So let me get this straight: A guy is a jerk, but he's isn't a jerk towards the girl, which makes him fake and two-faced. The girl realizes this, and, instead of tossing him and finding a better guy, she tries to change him. But the guys out there who aren't jerks, the guys who are well-rounded individuals, get screwed. Isn't that lovely?
Ladies, ladies, ladies, just because a guy is nice to you, and pursues you doesn't mean you should date him. If you know he's a jerk, but nice to you, it will only be a matter of time before that is turned towards you. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE!!! Please don't settle for these losers. You deserve better...

Back in action...

2004-11-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

I apologize to all my readers out there (all 2 of you) for the delay in posts, but I was on holiday in not-so-sunny California where it has become quite cold and even snowed at my parents house. Anyways, its good to be back in suprisingly-cold Arizona, and it's fun to type with hyphens! Let's have 3 cheers for thanksgiving as it continues to press on as the least commercialized holiday. The only constant blemish on it's record is that people are still being taught that the Pilgrims and the Indians ate together. Come on now people! That's all folklore they taught us in grade school. Maybe a few on each side formed some sort of bond, but do you really think a group like the Pilgrims would befriend a race of people that they would most certainly deem ungodly? Thanksgiving actually starts with good ol' Abe Lincoln who christened the last Thursday of November as the day that we should get together with our loved ones and give thanks to the Creator. Go Abe!!! Now on to Christmas for which I love and hate at the same time. I love it because it's a time to celebrate the birth of the Savior (which actually probably happened in April) and another time to be with family. Unfortunately, it has become a capitalist's dream as we strive each and every year to accumulate crap we don't really need. Cheers...

You have a grudge...

2004-11-19T01:37:00.000-07:00

So I saw "The Grudge" tonight and boy is that moving freakin' scary. I love scary movies because I love the feeling of your heart pumping and of adrenaline searing through your entire body. I don't really get scared, but I love it when a movie makes you jump, and The Grudge is definitely that kind of movie. Plus, Sarah Michelle Geller actually does a good job. I was a little hesitant at first because I don't think she is really that great of an actress, but she did well in this one. The movie does seem to draw from other movies, most noticeably "The Ring", but it is still good nonetheless. If you haven't seen it, go see it. Watch out for the weird little kid and the eerie sound that all the ghosts seem to make. Until next time...

Smoke if you got'em...

2004-11-14T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen I must let you know that there is nothing better than to wake up in the morning and have the sweet after-taste of a good cigar or pipe tobacco (in my case both) left over in your mouth from the night before. This morning I woke up and it was like I had a big piece of candy in my mouth, just like the good ol' days of trick-or-treating when you would fall asleep on top of your pile of goodies with some still in your teeth (or maybe that was just me). Cigars and pipes are great because they smell and taste better than nasty cigs, and they are healthier too because you don't inhale (this would've been great for Bill Clinton) you puff. Obviously if you chain smoke either of these you can still get cancer of the mouth, but you should really only smoke once or twice a week. Less is more. I love smoking my pipe. There's nothing better than to sit back with a friend under the cool night sky and smoke some nice vanilla tobacco. You can just relax and talk about anything. Girls, politics, Jesus, sports, etc. All these things are better with a nice pipe...

On behalf of my gender, I apologize...

2004-11-12T01:52:00.000-07:00

So I was at Friday's tonight hanging in the bar with a few friends and just observing the patrons around us when I saw this group of guys loitering around the bar. There was about 5 of them I guess, but only one actually sat at the bar. The others formed this little "Jr high" semi-cirlce behind that guy while holding their beers. They were probably in their early-to-mid 30's and they kept making eyes at these two girls sitting to the left of me. I could over hear some of their little comments which were of the typical male variety, and they would occasionally walk over to these two ladies, whom without hesitation, let it be known that they did not care for any attention from these guys. So, having been shut down, these guys continued to talk about and look at these girls like they still had some chance of scoring. I glanced over at the girls a couple times inbetween my convo with my friends and they really seemed uncomfortable. So the girls decided to leave and then these guys watch them as they walk out to their cars and one of them says, "Man those chicks bolted out of here. I totally thought I had a chance with them". Another one says, "They were so hot, I'd do both of them". And I'm thinking, "Yeah right".
I felt bad for these girls because they were just trying to enjoy themselves, and have a drink, but of course the loser patrol had to mess it all up. Do these guys take themselves seriously? They're all 30 and sitting at a bar, actually... they weren't even sitting, they were standing. They were leaning against the wall like boys at a jr high dance. Sippin' their drinks and daring each other to ask a girl to boogie. Seriously, do these guys realize they're losers? Is this what these guys invisioned for themselves? Being in their mid 30's, hanging at the bar, hitting on girls that are 10 yrs younger, and talking about how they would "do" them!? Man, guys do suck. We are dogs. I wasn't sure at first, but now I am certain. I felt embarrassed by these guys. These losers represent the male gender, and they are total disgraces. Ladies, I apologize for all the comments and looks and BS that you have to put up with. Gentlemen, do all of us a favor. If your boy has no game, let him know so he doesn't screw it up for the rest of us. And if you're in your mid 30's and still tryin to pick up chicks at the bars, well...sad day...

Goodwill to all men...(and women)

2004-11-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

So I was at the Goodwill today looking for some clothes and I found 2 cool button up shirts that had some pink in them (for the last few months I've had this weird obsession for pink shirts). As I looked around the store I started to wonder if I should be shopping there because I might be taking clothes that someone who is less fortunate could afford to purchase. I mean I love thrift stores because you can find cool clothes for cheap, and I hate paying the prices at your typical mall/retail store, but at the same time I can afford to shop at those places, whereas many of these people can not. Is it wrong that I shop at thrift stores? Obviously these places are open to everybody, and I love it when I find a great shirt, but still I wonder about the people who have to shop there because they can't afford clothes anywhere else. Your thoughts....?

One is the loneliest number...

2004-11-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were little and being alone was totally alright? I remember sitting in my room for hours playing with my G.I. Joes, Transformers, and Thundercats action figures for hours on end. Complete battles would take place in my room without any pauses except to use the facilities and to accommodate my mother's random check ups to make sure I wasn't causing any trouble. I never worried about needing another person to have fun or to hang out with. Of course I had neighborhood kids that I played with, but it wasn't like I depended on them.
At some point during my intragration into society (I suspect it would be Jr. High) being alone became "uncool". The number of friends you had and what you did with them became the standard to live by, and those deemed "loners" became outcasts who would never live up to that standard. Suddenly doing activities with others became an imperative property of life. We became dependent upon others to give our lives value.
Questions like "what did you do this weekend?" were asked with such regularity that you better had done something because you definitely can't say NOTHING or else you may be ridiculed. This continues even more fervently throughout high school as people developed their clicks that they hung out with every second. The only time they weren't with their click was when they were sleeping or dropping a deuce and even then it wasn't always the case.
I've lately wondered where this fear of being alone comes from because I continually struggle with it. I'm always looking to do something especially on the weekends. And if I don't do anything exciting I feel like I'm some loser wasting my life away in my room. But what is wrong with being by myself, and watching a movie in my room, or reading a book etc. Why is that not cool enough for a Friday/Saturday night? Maybe we feel more vindicated if somebody is there with us. They can share in the memory too. We can share stories about what we did with other people so that they too will want to be with us. Then all of us can share memories and stories and live happily ever after together.
I think some of this dependence comes from people not being content with themselves. They need other people to give what they do some sort of importance. If you don't like yourself then you probably won't want to hang out alone. I'm caught in the middle of this struggle because I'm a very social person, but I do like to do things alone. Nevertheless, I go through these phases were I need another person to be there. I need a group to connect with and especially on weekends because all the cool people are out doing stuff. Sometimes being alone drives me absolutely mad and other times I can't wait to get away from people. Hey what did you do this weekend? I wrote in my blog...

Putting the "Self" in selfish...

2004-11-06T01:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I really have grown and matured as a person, and then there are other times when I wonder how I've made it this far under my own ignorance. The other day I went to a friends apartment for a dinner party, and I had to park far away. I was upset because I had to walk a long distance carrying bags of soda. As I'm griping about how much this sucks I look over at one of the apartments and I see a lady in a wheelchair staring out at the street. She looked zoned out in her own little world. Her eyes were glazed over, and she just kept staring at the street. I stopped for a minute and continued to watch her. I then came to the realization that this lady would like nothing more than to walk the street, sidewalk, or anywhere for that matter. It wouldn't matter how far she walked or what she had to carry just so long as she got to do it again. And here I am bitchin' about how I have to walk an extra block.
Walking seems like such a simple thing, not something to ever give an extra thought about, but to this lady walking would be the world. I take stuff like this for granted because I'm so used to it. I've become comfortable in my little routine, and I don't appreciate the things I have. I should feel blessed every day that I'm still breathing, walking, eating... Instead I worry about crap that doesn't really matter like what I'm going to wear, what am I doing this weekend, what CD will I buy next. God has blessed me with so much, but still I show no gratitude because I expect things to be this way, but I deserve nothing...