We were good as married in my mind, but married in my minds no good...

Have you ever met someone by accident or on purpose and you just really clicked? So much so that you may disregard serious shortcomings they may have because you just want to focus on the fact that you're like 2 peas in a pod? You wonder about dating this person, and where it all could lead, all the while trying to ignore aspects about them that clash with you. Perhaps you change your perception of your relationship with them to that of a girl's and think "Maybe I can help them change". You analyze everything good about them, and compare and contrast it to that which is bad, and you work to manipulate numbers that will allow a positive remainder so that you can be content in believing what you think is true, but nevertheless, you can't turn a blind eye to certain things that you know would not work in the relationship, and you can't go against what you know to be right in your heart no matter how hard you try. Have you ever met someone like this? Me neither...

I won't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends...

One of the struggles I have as a Christian is interacting with people who harbor bitterness and anger towards Christianity and/or Christians because of what one or a few "Christian(s)" have done to them. Because of this they stereotype all Christians as being this way and automatically write off all of them. This sort of prejudice is usually race related, i.e. "All Mexicans are this, all blacks are that", but more and more it's seems to happen with Christianity. I'm sure it happens with others groups of faith like Muslims or Buddhists, but since I'm neither of those I can't give an informed answer. Nevertheless, I find these people more difficult because their reasons to not believe Christianity or to like Christians are driven by the forces of anger and bitterness, and not because they have searched and pondered and decided not to believe. I'd rather deal with atheists and agnostics who have traveled the journey to find faith rather than these other people.

Of course there are some atheist and agnostics who don't believe because of their experiences with Christians, but regardless one should not make such an important decision based on the representatives, that is human beings. We are fallible and sinful people who do not always make the right choice or set the right example, but that doesn't mean you should make your decision about something as important as your soul based on what you see in the average "Christian". Just as if a black person robbed your house, you should not believe that all black people are thieves. This particular person chose the life of crime and he/she happened to be black. To make such a proclamation about an entire group of people based on one individual's actions is ignorant, and just plain sad.

I think dealing with these type of people is difficult for me because I consider myself an open-minded educated Christian, and these people are so embittered by their past experiences that they close their hearts to anybody who mentions the name of Christ in any form. Forgiveness is lacking for whatever reason, which makes building a relationship quite a task. I can love them as Christ loves them, but until they let go of these feelings they will never truly be free. Their vision will forever be blurred by their own stubbornness and prejudices and that brings me much sorrow because some of the people I meet I believe that we could be close, but they won't let me get too near because I carry the name of Christ. Alas, I must continue to fight the good fight...

Just wakin' up in the mornin' gotta thank God, I dunno but today seems kinda odd...

So this is the earliest I've been up in a long long time. Those of you who know me know how much of a morning person I am. Well, unfortunately the gardeners came today at 6am and I awoke from a very nice dream to the sound of which I thought was a chainsaw coming towards my head, but actually it was a lawn mower starting. These gardeners come randomly every couple of weeks, but I seriously don't know why they even bother since the grass barely grows, and weeds are the same as flowers in Arizona. As long as something is growing we are happy.

So, it's already June, and feel like I am not accomplishing anything I've wanted to do so far. Not that I had a long list of things, but just simple things like: read more, play my guitar more, exercise etc. But it's just so easy to sleep in and watch tv and play video games. It amazes me how little ambition I have sometimes....Actually it doesn't "amaze" me. At least it shouldn't because being amazed should be something that is positively awesome, not negatively awesome. Anyways, I'm going to change my ways starting today! And I'm going to start off with something I usually don't do which is to have breakfast during the typical breakfast time. I eat breakfast food, but it usually isn't in the morning so this will be something totally life changing! Or not so much...