I give you my life cuz I don't own anything...

"Give me your hand," he said.
"Why?" she replied.
"Because I want to show you something," he whispered gently.
"So show it to me," she whispered back.
"No, please give me your hand. Trust me," he whispered again.
"Why can't you just show me whatever it is right now!" she snapped.
"Because it doesn't work that way. I need you to just trust me", he pleaded.
"No, that's stupid. If you want me to see it then show it to me now," she said stubbornly.
"You don't understand. It doesn't work that way. In order for you to see it you have to trust me. Please, we don't have much time," he begged.
"No, if you can't show it to me right now, then I don't want to see it. If you really loved me then you wouldn't play these games with me," she said harshly.
"I do love you. Why do you think I'm here?" he asked.
"I don't know, but if you won't show me then I'm leaving," she said.
"Wait!" he exclaimed, but she had already began to walk away.
As she looked back at him one last time she mumbled, "What could be so important?"
"Heaven," he said softly, "Heaven"...

If I told you this was killing me would you stop...

So I guess I have finally become somebody because my name is now on a business card. Yep, after working here for 2 years I noticed a bunch of new business cards on the front desk of our office and right there was my name on about 30 of them. I think I may just start depositing them into those bowls I see at businesses that do drawings for free stuff. I think if I won a free lunch my life would reach a new level of coolness which has yet to be seen.

Anyways, the last couple of weeks have had me feeling indifferent about a lot of things. Coming to terms of the let down of leaving Ireland and re-entering my life here in Arizona has been hard. I miss Ireland and the people there, and it was wonderful to be engulfed in a different culture with a distinct purpose, but now I'm back and have really been contemplating my passion and purpose for what I do now. Not that I'm waging Ireland versus Arizona specifically, but just wondering where my life-journey is going to take me after this. I really only see myself here in AZ another year, especially if I want to pursue a Masters degree because my options are limited here. But do I really want to pursue one? I know God will provide different opportunities but I guess because of these slow summer days it's given me too much time to sit and ponder the future...

She said, she said, she said, why don't you just drop dead...

So I've been back from Ireland for about 5 days now, which has given me a lot of time to reflect on my trip. It's hard to really put into words all the feelings and thoughts from my experience. It was just a great time, and it was refreshing to be around people with authentic excitement about Jesus. It's hard sometimes in the Christian "bubble", it's very easy to get complacent and stagnant because I'm not stretched and challenged in the bubble. Being out there on the mission field is an experience like no other. It definitely gives one a different perspective and world view. But even being back now things already seem so different, like they've already gone back to the way they were before I left to go. If I could just stay in the moment of those 2 weeks in Ireland my life would have so much more clarity and purpose, but now Im back to a fuzzy future. Not that Im afraid of mystery or the unknown, but sometimes I feel that Im not living up to my potential as a believer on my own. Sure, put me on a mission trip for 2 weeks and Im golden, but what happens when I go back to my regular life? Does it change? Have I changed? Does it matter? Do I care? Yes on all accounts I hope...