God showers blessings on the righteous and the wicked, I only know that covers me...

Sometimes I question if God knows what he's doing. Certain things happen and all I can do is question if His divinely infinite mind is making the right decisions. Last year, some old college friends of mine who are amazing believers were only a few days away from having their first child, when she had a miscarriage and had to deliver a dead child. What is the purpose of that? Why bring such pain to a couple who are devout followers and were completely engulfed by the joy that comes with having a child? And what about Alzhemiers disease? The disease which could possibly be the worst because it causes one to forget everything. Your childhood memories, your name, and worst of all the very people who love you. The stories I hear from people who have family members suffering from this disease are some of the saddest I've ever heard. Why are drunk drivers the ones who always live? How can it be that so many children suffering from hunger and abuse? I guess I just wonder about the whole concept of evil, and why bad things happen to good people. I understand that we are responsible for bringing sin into the world and that all this hurt is caused by it, but sometimes I just wish these bigger hurts could be handled by God in such a way that it world completely shake and change the world; and so I hope.

Deep in my soul I know that God's hand is working in all of these things even if I can't see it, but it's just hard sometimes to deal with it. I know that His mind is infinite and mine is finite, and I will never really understand, and honestly I don't know if I would want to, but sometimes it's just so disheartening to see the pain around me and not be able to do anything about it. Feeling powerless and crying out to a God who has allowed it to happen in His supreme insight just seems pointless, but I know that one day it will all end, and I hope that day is soon; and so I hope...

Breakin' hearts never looked so cool...

I've always been someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. My biggest problem when it comes to relationships is liking someone way too fast, which usually leads to a bigger let down and heartbreak. For whatever reason it never seems to work out, and I always end up promising myself I won't go down that path again, but inevitably I do and it just seems to be an endless cycle.

It's frustrating to me when girls say that they wish guys would be more assertive and take the initiative and pursue because I do just that and I only get rejection. It's come to the point where I'm hesitant to share any feelings of interest or "liking" with a girl because I'm afraid to be hurt again. I think a lot of guys feel this way, and I don't think girls understand just how hard it is for guys to share their feelings for a girl or in some cases even ask them out for fear of being rejected. It puts us in a state of vulnerability, which is something we are not accustomed to, and when we get constantly rejected it's a state in which we'd prefer never to experience again.

I think our whole perception of love, relationships, and dating is all messed up and twisted. Girls have this distorted reality of some prince in shining armor coming to their rescue and whisking them away in some romantic fairy tale, but it's all a joke. Hollywood has created all these "chick-flicks" that produce false expectations of the ideal and not the real, and although it's nice to think that things could be that way, one has to realize that it isn't the truth. No man is Prince Charming, and if we are constantly compared to this perfect man then we will always come up short. On the other side, guys are twisted by pornography, swimsuit issues, and airbrushed women. We think these images are the way women should look, but in reality its all fake and superficial. Porn distorts our minds as to what sex should be. It glorifies the lust and defiles the intimacy and glory that it should bring God.

With all these factors I think our entire concept of love is misconstrued. We see it as these warm little fuzzy feelings that we have for somebody we care about, but to really love somebody is a commitment that we don't totally understand. The Christian philosopher Soren Kierkergaard talks about how love is the full extention of oneself. To totally commit to someone and fully sacrifice personal desires for those of the loved one. I do not believe that we perceive our "love" in that matter, especially when we so loosely interchange our love for a person with that of a dog, car, or restaurant.

I guess I'm kind of just rambling here, but this is something that's been on my heart lately...