So its been awhile since I've posted, but I've been compelled to write. Lately, I've been really pondering my own mortality. Not that I'm old, I'm only 24, but being in my "mid" twenties has lead me to reflect on my life. If I live to be 75 which is the average I guess for men then I've lived roughly 1/3 of my life so far. Looking back on my life I just wonder about my purpose and impact. One of my biggest fears is that one day I'll look back and wonder what happened to me. That I some how wasted it in some dead-end job or in pursuit of material possessions; selfish things that have no real value in the eternal. I mean, I only get one life and I want to live it to the fullest, but sometimes I worry that I am missing out on something great.
I think a lot about this when Im stuck in traffic and there are a hundred other people with their own lives, doing their own things. all of them going to some destination. I wonder how many of them are truly happy with their lives. If this is where they thought they'd be or if they wish their lives were different. How many of these people have lives with no real purpose other then the daily routines of going to work and paying bills and all the other things that make life so ritualistic?
I think about this too when I look at my parents. I know they don't like their jobs. They only work these jobs because it pays the bills. Neither one of them have a college degree so they are kind of stuck. My dad is almost 55 and I wonder what he thinks about his life. If this is what he expected, wanted, or is happy with? I think I'm afraid to ask him.
Life is just so fragile. In a second it can be all over. And I hope we can all put our trust in the Eternal, knowing that these lives are just temporary, but at the same time my life is the composite whole of me. It's what I know. It's tangible and accessible, and I hope in the end that it will be worth something...
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2 comments:
I totally feel the same way sometimes... and I'm only 21, but it still bums me out big time. The whole thing with my parents; I know that they have given up so much for me, and that they are unhappy with their jobs, and sometimes I feel like I'm just not living up to the unsaid potential they want me to aspire to. *sigh* I dunno; I'm just commiserating here :P
daniela
well my dear ronald, you know... i think about the same thing while i sit in traffic. i just decided not to live my life in a cubical. everyday i see people on the 405, 91, 215, 10, 15, 55, 60, freeways... and not just that.. i have noticed this when i lived in chicago and commuted by foot and train and taxi too. A lot of people clock out of work, and you'd think they'd leave their cubical at the office, but in actuality a lot of them keep it with them. well, not literally of course.. but you know what i mean?
anyhow, i think you have a neat life, you are a good friend, you always have good advice...and you are pretty much always right;) that is more than a lot of people at 50 achieve. so don't worry yourself into a 1/3 life crisis. xoxo.
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