This bandwagon's full please catch another...

So it's been half a year since I've blogged. I believe this is the longest gap I've had in my blogging career. It's not that I haven't thought about blogging, but I've just been lazy. So I've been back in-country from Vietnam for 2 weeks now. It was a fun experience, and I really enjoyed hanging out with my buddy Tyler. The Vietnamese people are an interesting bunch. They were quite enamored with my belly. I'm not a communist, but I'm pretty sure I could become Prime Minister of Vietnam running solely on the platform of my stomach. If I was in a political debate I would answer each question by simply pointing at my belly or maybe I would lift my shirt up just enough to expose the belly. I know I'd win in a landslide.
The food was great, and the beer was good too, and cheap!!! It was hard not knowing the language, and many times I felt like an outsider. It gave me perspective about how foreigners feel in the U.S., and more specifically how international students feel in my dorm. Nevertheless, I had a good time, and I got to see a lot of places. I also got upgraded to business class on 2 of my flights home, which is quite possibly the closest thing to heaven. In fact, heaven may actually be an eternal flight in business class. Oh I hope it's true...

If the world is ending, I'm throwing the party...

So this is the new year...

No resolutions to be made, just reflection. I think we should all resolute that the beginning of January should not be the only time we vow to change, but that is not a resolution. Our change should be as constant as our reflection, as we tug and toil to become somebody else, somebody we read about it or see before us, and we desire to develop their characteristics. They inspire change, and we are inspired by that. They make us think, and we like to think about that. They lead by action, but we sit still thinking about acting, and wondering where our inspiration went. But it's still there, it never left. It was in us the whole time, but we kept it locked up, hoping for someone or some thing to come and set it free. It's at this point we realize that it is a constant never-ending struggle. A battle between desire and complacency. To be what we always wanted to be, to do what we always wanted to do, to go where we always wanted to go. Inspired? Yes. Take action? No...

Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills...

So, it's been a while since I last blogged, almost 5 months I suppose, but I'm back in action. My time at APU has been good. Things seem to move a lot faster here, and the school is so much bigger then what I'm used to, but I feel like I've learned a lot in my short time here. It's still funny to me that I work here having gone to CBU, but it's great to be home in California and closer to my family. I finally started my Masters program and I'm excited to be back in school although it's still weird to be writing papers and reading for class etc etc. I miss my friends in Phoenix, and it was great to see them a few weeks ago. It was nice to just go and chill and be relaxed when I was out there, and to catch up with everybody. Most recently God has blessed me by bringing a wonderful girl into my life. She is amazing, and it's been so good to spend time with her and get to know her heart. God's timing is impeccable. He knows when we need things, and I'm definitely happy He saw that I needed her :) I'm excited for the dorm to close and for Christmas to be upon us, although I'm still sickened by the amount of stupid crap that gets manufactured every Christmas, I'm anxious to relax. That's kind of a weird idea, to be anxious about relaxing, but that's what I am. I plan to hang out with my girl, my friends, bar-b-q, sleep in, and watch a lot of movies. Oh and play a butt-load of Guitar Hero, yeah, a butt-load. How much is that you ask? For some of you that's a lot, and for others not so much, but still, it's a load...

Rob a jewelry store and tell'em make me a grill...

So my internet has been turned off because the school changed providers, so I'm using the wonderful free wi-fi at Coffee Plantation. The countdown for me to move back Cali is less then 2 weeks away, which is exciting and weird. I'm excited to move back home to Cali, but at the same time it's weird to go back on a permanent basis because for the last 3 years I've felt like a tourist in my home state. My new job at APU is both exciting and scary just because it's like starting over again. I know I will be stretched and it will further develop me as a man of God and as a professional, but I guess that's why it scares me. As much as I want to get out of AZ it's become familiar and I know what to expect, but in a couple months I will be in charge of over 140 freshmen guys, what was I thinking? But I know this is where God wants me, and the opportunity to mentor and build into guys is what God has created me to do, so how can that be bad right? I'm also going to purchase a beach cruiser and ride around because for the first time in my life I won't be living in the ghetto :)

Death creeps like the breeze, but have no fear, watch me inhale...

So here are some humorous happenings the last couple weeks (these are not made up):

I was at the store not too long ago, and as I was pushing my poorly aligned cart up an isle there was a cute girl coming towards me. As we made eye contact I gave a friendly smile, and as she smiled back I then realized she was missing her top four teeth. I was quite shocked by this sight and suddenly just looked down at the floor because I didn't know what do. I mean what do you do? And how does she not have her top four teeth??? She didn't look like trailer trash or a hockey player. I know she saw my reaction, well I didn't see her reaction to my reaction but I could just feel the akwardness.

Last week I was at a Student Life conference in Minnesota and I was in the bathroom of the main auditorium, when another man came in. We both gave the acknowledging head nod to each as we passed and I went and washed my hands. As I was doing this he suddenly began to drum the beat to Queen's "We Will Rock You" while he peed. 2 beats on the urinal and 1 on the side of the bathroom stall. He did this a few times, and being a little weirded out I just began singing the song. After a couple choruses he was done, and I realized that I had been washing my hands for quite a while. He turned around and I said "I love Queen" and he replied in a southern accent, "Whenever I get a song in my head I just have to drum it. My kids always tell me I do it wrong." Then I responded with, "Sounded pretty good to me." Word!

Finally, many of you know my history with birds. The infamous m-80 assassination of a seagull in Rocky Pointe still follows me. Well, today I was playing golf with a few buddies, including my accomplice in the seagull killing, and on my very first shot I hit a low line drive with my driver into a group of pigeons nestled on the front fringe of the fairway. As the ball soared towards them it nailed one, but that didn't stop the ball, which luckily for me rolled quite far. The guys were like "Did you just hit a bird? I can't believe that". Sure enough we could see one flopping around, but then suddenly it stopped moving, so I wasn't sure if I had killed it or just knocked it unconscious. As we walked up to the bird it started flopping around with it's head laying on the ground. I thought I had broken it's neck and was going to have to kill it, but thankfully it jumped up and started limping around, and I realized I had just broken it's wing. Then the bird hobbled around like it was drunk, and finally walked over to a tree. So now I've killed a seagull and crippled a pigeon. Hooray...

I set my clocks early cuz I know i'm always late..

So based on the number of comments on my previous post I have to either bash the midwest or Christian pop-culture to get people to leave any.:)
Anywhoo, my time at GCU has come to an end. I officially still work here until May 31st, but for the most part I'm done, which is exciting and weird at the same time. Exciting because of the anticipation of what's ahead, but weird because I'm leaving a place that I've called home for the last 3 years. I'm unusually content about all of this, and in this state of uncertainty, life is really good, which is all God because I really should be going crazy. In another weird twist, the notion of possibly returning to Cal Baptist to work as an RD has presented itself. I have mixed feelings about this, but I'm very open and interested in the possibility, not to mention it gets me back home to California, which I dearly miss. But the best part about all this is that I have this weird peace about it all, and that's such a great feeling. I guess I should give this stuff to God more often huh?

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions...

I drove by a church the other day and the sign in front said "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus", then today I saw one that said "The Bible is God's mapquest". Why does Christianity have to be a catch phrase? And not even a cool catch phrase, we have to be lame. Seriously, we have so much commercialized cheesy crap that I bet Jesus looks down from Heaven and is embarrassed. I mean the man suffered on a cross and how do we repay Him, by sticking His face on every product imaginable. He died for an uncool group people. Now, don't go "super Christian" on me, I realized He died for all regardless of class or race, but let's be real people, why do we have to turn Jesus into a commodity or a one-liner? Ironic that other religions don't do this. I mean I can't wait for my Mohammed night-lite or my Ghandi bubble gum.

On another note, this past week has been interesting in regards to my job situation, which is that right now there is nothing, but I have an odd peace about it. I had it out with the Lord last week about the future and where I might end up, and His answer was to give me this weird peace. I guess that's part of having faith and patience, but I'm kind of worried He might stick somewhere worse then Arizona, like the Midwest where it gets ungodly cold. I could just ignore him and go my own way but then He might pull a Jonah on me and I'd get swallowed by a whale, which would be an amazing story, but who wants that??

It's deep how you can be so shallow...

I find it ironic when people can't figure that they are their own problem. They blame everything else possible: other people, how they were brought up, God; but the one common factor in all their problems is them. It's like they can't conceive that their choices are the reasons for what happens in their lives. Can they be so dense?

If only people really believed that classic break-up statement "It's not you, it's me" because it's so true. And I've learned recently that it wasn't me in a past situation, it was them. So hahahaha wake up and stop putting the blame on other people, you are the problem!!!

P.S. Go Dodgers!

I can see the venom in their eyes...

I find that it's easy to have faith when everything is going well. It's easy to trust God when the decisions aren't major ones. Even if things don't work out exactly how I'd like them too, it's not that big of deal because it wasn't that big in the first place. But when the future is a big question mark, and the path(s) I could take aren't as well lit as I would like, faith makes it's presence known. The thing about faith is that it's one-part exciting and two-parts extremely nerve racking. That's where I'm at right now because I seriously have no clue where I'll be in a couple months. The easy answer would be to just find another RD job somewhere and continue living in the Christian bubble. But just recently I feel like I should look elsewhere, possibly venturing out into the "real" world, which again is exciting and nerve racking. I guess I feel like I need to see what it's like, even though most people tell me to stay where I am because I have it good. Maybe I'm not supposed to have it "good".

Anyways, the NCAA tournament has been pretty exciting. It's funny how this one tournament dominates so much of our lives. People skip work to watch every game, and so much money is spent on brackets, it's crazy. But there's something pure and invigorating when you watch these kids play with such passion, and not for big bucks like in the pros. I picked Kansas to win it all, so go Jayhawks!...

Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great...

I find that one of the most difficult things for me to deal with is closure, or lack thereof. I think closure is such a big deal because we live in a "what if" world. What if this had happened? What if I did this? We always wonder what would happen if we could go back and change something. Anyways, I think when we aren't satisfied or have complete understanding of why something took place it eats at us, at least it does me. I think I do a good job of moving on past unresolved things but many times a picture, place, or comment from somebody will trigger that unresolved situation. The worst is when it involves another person who thinks the situation is resolved because then it will most likely never lead to closure. There's just some people out there who I want to go bang on their door and say "What the heck! I gotta resolve this, even if I'm wrong in the end. Just explain this to me. Make me understand!" But alas, life doesn't work that way...

Each time I see you force a smile my heart just breaks...

I miss my remote. My poor remote (RIP) met it's fatal demise when it was unexpectedly thrown into the air and collided with the front door. The perpetrator was an angry video-gamer who felt he was being cheated by Madden 07. The remote spent the last 4 yrs bringing joy and easy maneuvering of many channels. It will be missed and always hold a special place in my heart.
It sucks not to have one. It's like I'm stuck in the 60's. I have to actually get up to change the channel, which I'm too lazy to do so I watch a bunch of crap I don't normally.

Anywhoo, life is going to be taking some turns in the near future. I'm definitely done in Arizona and am ready to move on to a new place and job. I had this opportunity last year but decided to stay, but I'm really at peace with leaving, even though I have no clue where I'll end up, it's exciting. It's weird to still work somewhere when you know it's getting towards the end. It's almost like just before you graduate, and everything is up in the air, but I'm definitely not as nervous or worried as I was when I was getting ready to graduate. I learned from my last experience like this to let God open the doors, and even when I think He's not doing anything He is. I just have to have faith and patience, and I'll end up where He wants me to be. Alas, that is easier said then done...

I didn't mean to scare you, you just seem really nice...

I've noticed while surfing through blogs (random and familar) that there's a lot of complaining going on. I think that for the new year we here in the blogger world need to gain a little perspective. The simple fact one has a blog means they are better off then a good portion of the world. Having a blog means having access to a computer, most likely owning it, and being able to read, write, and type, which is better then a lot of other people out there. So what if gas prices are high, so what if your neighbor still has their christmas decorations out, so what if johnny doesn't like you, get over it. Appreciate what you have, cherish it because it could be gone in a flash and you'll only be left with a distant memory...

Cause a party ain't great cuz the booze is free...

Well it's been a while since I've posted. Just haven't really been in the mood to blog, but here are some musings of mine:

So I've had my tattoo for a month now and I love it. I'm ready to add to it, but it's still weird to walk by a mirror and see it or when I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt the bottom foot of the angel is visible. Having one has led me to pay more attention to other people's tats and I've come to realize that there is a lot of bad ink out there. I'm not really a person who believes a tattoo has to have some deep meaning. No doubt it should have some meaning, but it doesn't need to be the basis of your spiritual essence. If it's cool and good artwork then go for it, however, a lot of people have stupid tats. It's crazy some of the stuff I see on people and its almost as if they don't realize it'll be on their body forever.

Christmas time is upon us and you know what that means: more pointless consumerism and a whole bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus. I don't want to be a negative Nelly about this, but seriously if I see one more giant inflatable Santa or snowman I'm going to throw up. I enjoy Christmas lights, Christmas trees, all the goodies, etc etc but all this crap is pointless when the real meaning is lost. We spend so much money on Christmas decorations it's ridiculous. How much of that money could go towards the poor? Isn't that the "spirit" of Christmas, helping others? I don't know, maybe I'm the crazy one.

Finally, the show Rob and Big on MTV is one of the best I've seen in a while. It's the first "reality" show that isn't stupid, crude, and fake. It's funny and fresh and really laid back. It doesn't feel fake or that they set up the plots or anything. Check it out if you haven't seen it...

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean, and my fists got hard and my wits got keen...

Sometimes I wonder how I would respond in tough situations. I always seem to think about this when I watch movies regarding war or the hero having to rise to the occasion. I wonder if I would "rise". I just want to be able to test my mettle against the odds. To come through on top in the end, with a really badass song playing in the background. Maybe I should just get into a bar fight. But really, I think all guys wonder this. Could we overtake the enemy on that hill with death staring us in the face? If this big guy has too much to drink and attacks my friend will I bust his nose? If I keep watching Jackass will I be able to perform some of these stunts? :)
But in all seriousness I just wonder if I would step it up if death or injury was on the line. I'd like to think I would but I really have no way of knowing until I'm actually in the situation. Sometimes life just seems so bland, the mundane-ness of having a job, dealing with traffic, paying bills, etc etc, life would be more exciting in the movies, but then again that's why we watch them, to escape our own reality. I'm kind of rambling here but I just want a shot at being that guy, being tested, the good overcoming the evil. Maybe I will get into a bar fight...

Cause your just the girl all the boys wanna dance with and I'm just the boy who took too many chances...

The difficulty and complexity of relationships, particular with those of the fairer gender, have gotten me again! Once again I've taken the initative, once again I've made the effort, and once again I've received a boot to the throat. Well not literally, but that's what it feels like. The "Blow-off" actually took place. It's been awhile since me and the big B.O. have hung out but we've been reunited and it definitely doesn't feel so good. It's to the point now where I don't even want to put out the effort with girls. The investment isn't worth the reward to me right now, and that scares because I'm afraid that I'll actually miss a good one because I'm hiding from all the bad ones.
Why can't things be simple like when we were little and you just checked the "yes" or "no" box? Those were the good ol' days. It was direct and honest and a guy knew where he stood. Then some little philly decided to create the "maybe" box, and that birthed the dreaded DTR talks. Suddenly guys had to analyze the relationship, body language and signals, ahhhhhh! It kills me! Drama, drama, drama, that's all it is.
I don't know why I complain. I always say I'm done with girls, and then I begin to duct tape my heart back together. But it doesn't last because soon the soothing song of some siren will convince me to bring the heart out into the open only for her to step on it, probably with a boot or perhaps a high heel of some sort...

A melancholy town where we never smile...

So I've been getting harassed about not posting in a long time, so I figured I should appease my fans and write.

So the big 2-5 has come and gone. It's weird to think that I've been alive for a quarter century. High school doesn't seem that long ago, and college feels like yesterday. I always thought I'd be married by the time I turned 25, it always felt like a good age to be married, alas I am no where close to marriage at this moment. Birthdays have become a time for reflection for me. To look back at my past and ahead to my future and wonder if I've really done anything or will do anything. I guess part of me is content with living a life of anonymity, only being known amongst my family and friends, however, part of me wishes to be somebody big and important. Somebody, that when this body fails me, leaves a name that people instantly recognize upon hearing it. Perhaps this is my identity paradox...

I give you my life cuz I don't own anything...

"Give me your hand," he said.
"Why?" she replied.
"Because I want to show you something," he whispered gently.
"So show it to me," she whispered back.
"No, please give me your hand. Trust me," he whispered again.
"Why can't you just show me whatever it is right now!" she snapped.
"Because it doesn't work that way. I need you to just trust me", he pleaded.
"No, that's stupid. If you want me to see it then show it to me now," she said stubbornly.
"You don't understand. It doesn't work that way. In order for you to see it you have to trust me. Please, we don't have much time," he begged.
"No, if you can't show it to me right now, then I don't want to see it. If you really loved me then you wouldn't play these games with me," she said harshly.
"I do love you. Why do you think I'm here?" he asked.
"I don't know, but if you won't show me then I'm leaving," she said.
"Wait!" he exclaimed, but she had already began to walk away.
As she looked back at him one last time she mumbled, "What could be so important?"
"Heaven," he said softly, "Heaven"...

If I told you this was killing me would you stop...

So I guess I have finally become somebody because my name is now on a business card. Yep, after working here for 2 years I noticed a bunch of new business cards on the front desk of our office and right there was my name on about 30 of them. I think I may just start depositing them into those bowls I see at businesses that do drawings for free stuff. I think if I won a free lunch my life would reach a new level of coolness which has yet to be seen.

Anyways, the last couple of weeks have had me feeling indifferent about a lot of things. Coming to terms of the let down of leaving Ireland and re-entering my life here in Arizona has been hard. I miss Ireland and the people there, and it was wonderful to be engulfed in a different culture with a distinct purpose, but now I'm back and have really been contemplating my passion and purpose for what I do now. Not that I'm waging Ireland versus Arizona specifically, but just wondering where my life-journey is going to take me after this. I really only see myself here in AZ another year, especially if I want to pursue a Masters degree because my options are limited here. But do I really want to pursue one? I know God will provide different opportunities but I guess because of these slow summer days it's given me too much time to sit and ponder the future...

She said, she said, she said, why don't you just drop dead...

So I've been back from Ireland for about 5 days now, which has given me a lot of time to reflect on my trip. It's hard to really put into words all the feelings and thoughts from my experience. It was just a great time, and it was refreshing to be around people with authentic excitement about Jesus. It's hard sometimes in the Christian "bubble", it's very easy to get complacent and stagnant because I'm not stretched and challenged in the bubble. Being out there on the mission field is an experience like no other. It definitely gives one a different perspective and world view. But even being back now things already seem so different, like they've already gone back to the way they were before I left to go. If I could just stay in the moment of those 2 weeks in Ireland my life would have so much more clarity and purpose, but now Im back to a fuzzy future. Not that Im afraid of mystery or the unknown, but sometimes I feel that Im not living up to my potential as a believer on my own. Sure, put me on a mission trip for 2 weeks and Im golden, but what happens when I go back to my regular life? Does it change? Have I changed? Does it matter? Do I care? Yes on all accounts I hope...

I'll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it...

Sometimes I wonder what my identity lies in. I not a musician or an artist. I don't really do anything so well that you could label me by it. I guess I can be considered a Jack-of-all-trades type of person since I'm into a lot of things but none are so dominant you could say "Hey there's Ronnie, he's a ________". But why is identity important? We all have different talents and skills, what others are strong in I may be weak in and vice versa, but why do I strive to be known through these talents and abilities? Why don't I strive to find my identity in Christ? For it is by Him that anything that I do has any importance. It doesn't matter if Im an athlete or a musician or a sculptor if that is my sole identity. I could be considered nothing by the worlds standard, but considered everything by Christ's. The core of my being should not be built out of my talents and abilities because it is Christ who gave me those in the first place, but rather, my core should be built out of who I am in Him and me striving to better understand that identity...