God showers blessings on the righteous and the wicked, I only know that covers me...

Sometimes I question if God knows what he's doing. Certain things happen and all I can do is question if His divinely infinite mind is making the right decisions. Last year, some old college friends of mine who are amazing believers were only a few days away from having their first child, when she had a miscarriage and had to deliver a dead child. What is the purpose of that? Why bring such pain to a couple who are devout followers and were completely engulfed by the joy that comes with having a child? And what about Alzhemiers disease? The disease which could possibly be the worst because it causes one to forget everything. Your childhood memories, your name, and worst of all the very people who love you. The stories I hear from people who have family members suffering from this disease are some of the saddest I've ever heard. Why are drunk drivers the ones who always live? How can it be that so many children suffering from hunger and abuse? I guess I just wonder about the whole concept of evil, and why bad things happen to good people. I understand that we are responsible for bringing sin into the world and that all this hurt is caused by it, but sometimes I just wish these bigger hurts could be handled by God in such a way that it world completely shake and change the world; and so I hope.

Deep in my soul I know that God's hand is working in all of these things even if I can't see it, but it's just hard sometimes to deal with it. I know that His mind is infinite and mine is finite, and I will never really understand, and honestly I don't know if I would want to, but sometimes it's just so disheartening to see the pain around me and not be able to do anything about it. Feeling powerless and crying out to a God who has allowed it to happen in His supreme insight just seems pointless, but I know that one day it will all end, and I hope that day is soon; and so I hope...

Breakin' hearts never looked so cool...

I've always been someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. My biggest problem when it comes to relationships is liking someone way too fast, which usually leads to a bigger let down and heartbreak. For whatever reason it never seems to work out, and I always end up promising myself I won't go down that path again, but inevitably I do and it just seems to be an endless cycle.

It's frustrating to me when girls say that they wish guys would be more assertive and take the initiative and pursue because I do just that and I only get rejection. It's come to the point where I'm hesitant to share any feelings of interest or "liking" with a girl because I'm afraid to be hurt again. I think a lot of guys feel this way, and I don't think girls understand just how hard it is for guys to share their feelings for a girl or in some cases even ask them out for fear of being rejected. It puts us in a state of vulnerability, which is something we are not accustomed to, and when we get constantly rejected it's a state in which we'd prefer never to experience again.

I think our whole perception of love, relationships, and dating is all messed up and twisted. Girls have this distorted reality of some prince in shining armor coming to their rescue and whisking them away in some romantic fairy tale, but it's all a joke. Hollywood has created all these "chick-flicks" that produce false expectations of the ideal and not the real, and although it's nice to think that things could be that way, one has to realize that it isn't the truth. No man is Prince Charming, and if we are constantly compared to this perfect man then we will always come up short. On the other side, guys are twisted by pornography, swimsuit issues, and airbrushed women. We think these images are the way women should look, but in reality its all fake and superficial. Porn distorts our minds as to what sex should be. It glorifies the lust and defiles the intimacy and glory that it should bring God.

With all these factors I think our entire concept of love is misconstrued. We see it as these warm little fuzzy feelings that we have for somebody we care about, but to really love somebody is a commitment that we don't totally understand. The Christian philosopher Soren Kierkergaard talks about how love is the full extention of oneself. To totally commit to someone and fully sacrifice personal desires for those of the loved one. I do not believe that we perceive our "love" in that matter, especially when we so loosely interchange our love for a person with that of a dog, car, or restaurant.

I guess I'm kind of just rambling here, but this is something that's been on my heart lately...

Rising up against this wickedness...

I think one of the most frustrating things in a relationship, whether it's just friendship, dating, or whatever, is when it seems that only one of the people involved puts forth any real effort in keeping it going. It bothers me when it seems like I always have to be the one to initiate contact, especially now that I live in another state far away from most of my friends. I realize that people are busy with work, school, and everything else that goes on in life, but at the same time how long does a phone call or an email take to someone who you really care about? I guess I'm just one of those people that will put those other things on hold because my friends are something I hold dearly to my heart. I'm not really close with a lot of my family outside of my immediate family, and so I see my friends as family.

I just get really frustrated because I'm always the one who calls and makes plans, and I always get bailed on. What's the point of putting forth the effort if is not returned? It's especially hard with people whom I've been friends with a long time and it just seems like our friendship doesn't matter enough for them to make a reasonable effort. I don't know, maybe I'm over-reacting but I just see myself as a very loyal friend and l feel like Im fighting a lost cause...

I'm beggin' you to be my escape...

Lately I've been really anticipating the arrival of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every year, as soon as Halloween is over, my mind turns to the thought of family, food, and vacation. But upon pondering these things I've been thinking about how it seems that the anticipation of such events is almost always better then the actual events themselves. The thought of being with my family, seeing old friends, getting fatter with every scrumptious morsel, and the exchanging of gifts gets me really excited, but then once all of it is over is seems that it has come and gone much too fast. It seems to me that many things in life occur in this fashion.

Life can be summed up as a long series of events, and in between these events comes anticipation, which can either be good or bad. I remember as a kid counting down the days to my birthday. The biggest day of the year of course! My big day! Presents and money and cake! All that good stuff. But then when it was all over it was back to the regular way of life. What a big let down! On the flip side, I can remember hating the dentist with a passion. I hated the smell of the office. I hated the feel of that big chair. I hated the sounds. And I especially hated the taste of getting my teeth cleaned. As a little kid I saw this hygenial trip as the definite end of my being. I would cease to exist after going to the dentist. But of course after I went, life went back to normal, and I had a new sense of relief, that is, until another 6 months went by.

Life is often described as a roller coaster that has its ups and downs and twists and turns. And I think anticipation plays a major role in how we react on this journey. But what if we could freeze one moment in particular and live our life in that moment forever? Like U2 sings about being "stuck in a moment", what if we could be stuck in a moment of our choosing? It could be with that one special person, or be a specific feeling that you never want to let go of. We could pause our lives at the exact moment in which we deem that this is the best moment of our lives, and experience it forever. Never to experience another let down. Never to look back and say "Wow, the anticipation was much better then the actual experience".

I think this is what Heaven will be like. We will forever be stuck in a moment of complete glory before the Eternal. Never to experience another let down. Never to ride the roller coaster. Never to look back and say "the anticipation was better"...

Paranoia drops bombs...

So its been awhile since I've posted, but I've been compelled to write. Lately, I've been really pondering my own mortality. Not that I'm old, I'm only 24, but being in my "mid" twenties has lead me to reflect on my life. If I live to be 75 which is the average I guess for men then I've lived roughly 1/3 of my life so far. Looking back on my life I just wonder about my purpose and impact. One of my biggest fears is that one day I'll look back and wonder what happened to me. That I some how wasted it in some dead-end job or in pursuit of material possessions; selfish things that have no real value in the eternal. I mean, I only get one life and I want to live it to the fullest, but sometimes I worry that I am missing out on something great.

I think a lot about this when Im stuck in traffic and there are a hundred other people with their own lives, doing their own things. all of them going to some destination. I wonder how many of them are truly happy with their lives. If this is where they thought they'd be or if they wish their lives were different. How many of these people have lives with no real purpose other then the daily routines of going to work and paying bills and all the other things that make life so ritualistic?

I think about this too when I look at my parents. I know they don't like their jobs. They only work these jobs because it pays the bills. Neither one of them have a college degree so they are kind of stuck. My dad is almost 55 and I wonder what he thinks about his life. If this is what he expected, wanted, or is happy with? I think I'm afraid to ask him.

Life is just so fragile. In a second it can be all over. And I hope we can all put our trust in the Eternal, knowing that these lives are just temporary, but at the same time my life is the composite whole of me. It's what I know. It's tangible and accessible, and I hope in the end that it will be worth something...

I'll be your number one with a bullet...

Words unsaid can never be said with the same affect
The past which was left open and then closed is now open
Cuts that became scars are now cuts again
A love that is broken by two can never be amended by one
To start over is grand, but to have it never end is the greatest of all

Another goodnight kiss is robbed of all it's passion...

This is the second piece of writing dedicated to the bands that have influenced me over the years, and this one goes out to Dashboard Confessional. Now I know what you're thinking, how can this guy talk about Rage and then flip the switch and talk about DC. Well my friends, my music taste is quite diverse, and despite his recent climb to the top of the Trendy list, Chris Carraba is still the man when it comes to songs for the broken hearted who just want to scream at the top of their lungs everything that they are feeling.

I'm came into contact with DC in college through a friend who was really into him and I remember thinking "Wow it's just this dude with a guitar". This was way before he started having a backup band, and in my opinion Chris is much better alone. Anyways, I was having my own relationship heartbreak, and I remember hearing "Best Deceptions" and was like "Holy crap this is what happened to me!!! This guy totally knows what I'm feeling." And at that point I was fully connected with him forever.

Now, obviously DC isn't the most talented guitar player, in fact most of his songs are pretty simple but do have some intense strumming, but it's the lyrics that set him apart. Everybody in the world has gone through heartbreak, thus everybody can relate to these songs. You can say DC is winy, emo, whatever... but you know that when you get dumped, rejected, or jacked, you are just as winy, frustrated, confused, and angry, and these songs are for you. I loved going to his shows and having everybody know the words and singing right along. He didn't even have to sing, and sometimes he didn't. He'd let us sing because he knew these were our songs too. It was like therapy without the chair. So play it loud, and sing along at the top of your lungs, and when you see your ex give them the finger because DC is gonna take care of you...

So kiss me hard cuz this will be the last time that I let you
You will come back some day, and this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips
We be of service to giving you away, to giving you awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

This circle of hatred continues unless we react, we gotta take the power back...

So I'm a regular reader of SPIN magazine, and they always have this section where an artist list the albums that influenced them, and they give a little paragraph about each one. So in the spirit of this piece, I've decided to write blogs about bands that have influenced me over the years. These are in no particular order, but just as they come to mind.

One of the bands that has greatly influenced me over the years has been Rage Against the Machine. When I first heard Rage I was in Jr. High and I heard "Year of the boomerang" off the Higher Learning movie soundtrack. I remember hearing that song and thinking what a crazy sound they had, but I was into rap and not really any kind of rock, thus I never paid any more attention to them. Later on in high school I went through this "Christians can only listen to Christian music" phase and so I couldn't listen to Rage because they were so political and they said "bad" words. The first time I really heard them was through my friend who was in love with them, and he would always play them when we Dee Jay'd at lunch during highschool. When I heard songs off their debut I was just blown away, and I decided to go get the album. I remember looking at the cover with the monk lighting himself on fire in protest, and just going "Wow, this is going to be hardcore".

The thing I love about Rage is the ferocious energy, harsh lyrics, and how Tom Morello freaking shreds like no other. Regardless if you agree with their political views, Rage brought the ruckus. And you could either listen or get the hell out of the way. Rage inspired me because they stood up for what they believed and expressed how they felt even if people didn't like what they had to say. At this point in my life, I was facing a lot with my walk with God with people questioning my faith and being challenged to step up as a Christian. Listening to Zach spit out lyrics that challenged the norm and asked people to question what they know, inspired me to do the same. With that, I began searching more deeply what it was I believed, and I began to stand firm against those who tried to knock me down.

Rage also helped me in realizing that things are not as peachy as them seem. Just because the government or any authority says something should be a certain way doesn't make it right. As people we need to seek and discern the information we are given by the media etc and make informed decisions for ourselves, and not be told how to think. I began to realize that their was lot of suffering and atrocities being committed everyday throughout the world and in America, and that definitely broke my little bubble. Rage challenges us to pay attention to what's going on in the world around us. They aren't about money, chicks, or fame, and that's seen in their music.

When they broke up it broke my heart because they were just unbelievably awesome, and I never got a chance to see them live. At a time in music where Limp Biscuit was ruining everything awesome about rap/rock, Rage stepped it up and showed how it should be done. My favorite album is their debut, and "Wake Up" is my favorite song. The Matrix was that much tighter because it ended with "Wake Up" with Zach screaming his ass off. When he gets going I get so pumped up I just wanna break something. Obviously, the members of Rage aren't Christians, and they really aren't down with religion in general, but nevertheless they make good music that makes you think, and rocks your soul. RATM, I salute thee...

Rip the Mic
Rip the Stage
Rip the System
I was born to Rage against them

Come on baby in our dreams, we can live our misbehavior...

So last night I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the movie is quite amazing. It is visually stunning with lots of humor, and dance numbers by the oompa loompas :o) Anyways, one of the major things I took from the movie is that as we get older we seem to lose our imagination and creativity. The creativity and imagination that we do posses gets limited by the infiltration of logic, reason, and knowledge. Not that these things are bad, but now everything has to have some property of purpose otherwise it's useless to us.

I remember when I was little I would play with my G.I. Joes and Tranformers, and I'd be entertained for hours all by myself. Intense battles would occur with each figurine personified by my variety of voices, including a number of sound effects that I had perfected over time. Or I'd be in the backyard either alone or with a friend, and we'd have forts, castles, spaceships, and treehouses; that needed no rhyme or reason. We did it because it was fun and we loved it. There were no boundaries! It was a time of imagination and innocence. There was no concept of social trends and culture. No reality television. It was awesome.

Nevertheless, as we get older and become more educated we learn that there are boundaries and limitations. There are unwritten laws that we better be aware of if we want to be successful. We have to grab, pull, and scratch our way to the top, stepping on anybody who gets in the way. We are told what to eat, wear, watch, and drive. All this in the struggle for individuality, which really just makes us like everybody else. What happened to the boy who played with his toys for hours and hours? What happened to the boy whose body was limited by the fence in his yard, but his mind knew no boundaries? I know what happened to him. He's in line over there buying my crap he doesn't need.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the pursuit of knowledge. I love learning about philosophy and history, among other things, but at the same time I see a great difference in my own imagination and creativity. The ideas are still there, but doubt has risen where child-like faith once stood. In the movie, Willy Wonka creates all these crazy ways to make candy, and there's all these strange contraptions, gizmos, and gadgets, and the reason he created all of these is because he wanted to, not because it would make him more profit.

The apostle Paul writes about how as he got older he put away childish things, but I don't think he meant that we should lose our childlike imaginations. Our minds get filled with such garbage from television and video games that we forget what it's like to create anything on our own. Okay, I'm getting tired so I want to finish this up. I hope this makes sense, but it might not. Either way Charlie is a great movie, and it really just reopened my eyes to some childhood memories that I had long forgotten. Cheers...

Run as fast as you can, they're shootin' to kill...

I hate the fact that I always get my hopes up, and I'm walking on air, floating like a kite on a breezy summer day, only to come crashing down like a big rock. Then I always tell myself I'm not going to get my hopes up anymore, no matter what! Then next time comes around, and I do the same thing. It's like I forget what happened in the past, or maybe I think it'll be different, but no the same thing happens. Then I write it all off, I'm done with it all. I'm just never going to risk anything and be content with containing all feeling and emotion and desire. But then another moment comes, and my hopes fly again. Know what I mean....

I don't wanna read the book, I'll watch the movie...

So I was asked by one of my readers why I haven't posted anything in a while, and I guess I just really haven't had much to say lately. But for my inquisitive caring friend here is a blog of what's be on my mind lately.

So gay marriage has been a hot topic for a while now, and the conservative right wing never ceases to amaze me. Without a doubt I believe homosexuality is sin because God created man to be with woman, but I'm not here to debate that, it's just my beliefs, and if others don't agree that's cool because I don't really care. What I do care about is the way that Christians treat people who are homosexuals. It seems that homosexuality has been voted the worst sin of all time by contemporary Christianity. I don't know exactly when the vote was held, but I'm pretty sure it won. Christians will interact with almost any other type of person: a thief, an adulterer, a liar, even murderers, but if they run into a homosexual, oh NO! get away from me. It's like gays are the new lepers. Anyway, this possible constitutional ban on gay marriage just puzzles me because people act like the Constitution is divinely written like the Bible. I thought the constitution was written to protect people regardless of race, religion etc, but it can't protect the rights of gays? That's ridiculous. Now I remind you that the Constitution is not the Bible, and don't give me that crap about America being built on Christian values. If America really cared about Christian values, and Christians cared about the value of marriage then they would get rid of divorce. How many Christians get divorced each year? How many cheat on their spouses? And we're worried about gay people destroying the sanctity of marriage? That's BULLSHIT!!! Yeah, you read that, I said Bullshit. I'm tired of the super conservatives making Christianity look ignorant. I'm tired of Jerry Fallwell attacking the Telly Tubbies and Harry Potter. And most importantly I'm tired of people seeing Bush as some medium by which God speaks and acts. I don't doubt the President's relationship with God, but just because he's a Christian doesn't make all his decisions divine. Can't we be a group of people who seek to build relationships with those that don't know God? Why can't we do this? Why must we alienate and condemn those whom we don't understand? Jesus hung out with the worst people because he knew they needed Him the most. I wish the Bible had a story of Christ hanging out with a gay person because maybe that would have helped, but I doubt it...

We were good as married in my mind, but married in my minds no good...

Have you ever met someone by accident or on purpose and you just really clicked? So much so that you may disregard serious shortcomings they may have because you just want to focus on the fact that you're like 2 peas in a pod? You wonder about dating this person, and where it all could lead, all the while trying to ignore aspects about them that clash with you. Perhaps you change your perception of your relationship with them to that of a girl's and think "Maybe I can help them change". You analyze everything good about them, and compare and contrast it to that which is bad, and you work to manipulate numbers that will allow a positive remainder so that you can be content in believing what you think is true, but nevertheless, you can't turn a blind eye to certain things that you know would not work in the relationship, and you can't go against what you know to be right in your heart no matter how hard you try. Have you ever met someone like this? Me neither...

I won't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends...

One of the struggles I have as a Christian is interacting with people who harbor bitterness and anger towards Christianity and/or Christians because of what one or a few "Christian(s)" have done to them. Because of this they stereotype all Christians as being this way and automatically write off all of them. This sort of prejudice is usually race related, i.e. "All Mexicans are this, all blacks are that", but more and more it's seems to happen with Christianity. I'm sure it happens with others groups of faith like Muslims or Buddhists, but since I'm neither of those I can't give an informed answer. Nevertheless, I find these people more difficult because their reasons to not believe Christianity or to like Christians are driven by the forces of anger and bitterness, and not because they have searched and pondered and decided not to believe. I'd rather deal with atheists and agnostics who have traveled the journey to find faith rather than these other people.

Of course there are some atheist and agnostics who don't believe because of their experiences with Christians, but regardless one should not make such an important decision based on the representatives, that is human beings. We are fallible and sinful people who do not always make the right choice or set the right example, but that doesn't mean you should make your decision about something as important as your soul based on what you see in the average "Christian". Just as if a black person robbed your house, you should not believe that all black people are thieves. This particular person chose the life of crime and he/she happened to be black. To make such a proclamation about an entire group of people based on one individual's actions is ignorant, and just plain sad.

I think dealing with these type of people is difficult for me because I consider myself an open-minded educated Christian, and these people are so embittered by their past experiences that they close their hearts to anybody who mentions the name of Christ in any form. Forgiveness is lacking for whatever reason, which makes building a relationship quite a task. I can love them as Christ loves them, but until they let go of these feelings they will never truly be free. Their vision will forever be blurred by their own stubbornness and prejudices and that brings me much sorrow because some of the people I meet I believe that we could be close, but they won't let me get too near because I carry the name of Christ. Alas, I must continue to fight the good fight...

Just wakin' up in the mornin' gotta thank God, I dunno but today seems kinda odd...

So this is the earliest I've been up in a long long time. Those of you who know me know how much of a morning person I am. Well, unfortunately the gardeners came today at 6am and I awoke from a very nice dream to the sound of which I thought was a chainsaw coming towards my head, but actually it was a lawn mower starting. These gardeners come randomly every couple of weeks, but I seriously don't know why they even bother since the grass barely grows, and weeds are the same as flowers in Arizona. As long as something is growing we are happy.

So, it's already June, and feel like I am not accomplishing anything I've wanted to do so far. Not that I had a long list of things, but just simple things like: read more, play my guitar more, exercise etc. But it's just so easy to sleep in and watch tv and play video games. It amazes me how little ambition I have sometimes....Actually it doesn't "amaze" me. At least it shouldn't because being amazed should be something that is positively awesome, not negatively awesome. Anyways, I'm going to change my ways starting today! And I'm going to start off with something I usually don't do which is to have breakfast during the typical breakfast time. I eat breakfast food, but it usually isn't in the morning so this will be something totally life changing! Or not so much...

Hello Blogger my old friend...

Well, it's been quite a while since I've been back on here writing and commenting, but I figured I would reunite with my blog and begin to write again. My hiatus found me spending a lot of time on myspace, but the blogging on there just doesn't have the same aesthetic beauty as it does on here. I guess I feel that I can be deeper on this piece, whereas my myspace profile is pretty much for laughs.
Lately I've been feeling very much alone. Mainly because the dorm is now closed and only summer school is in session, so there's only myself and the women's RD living in the dorm. The campus is so vacant and slow. It's like a ghost town with only the most random of souls wandering about the campus. Moreover, it seems that I have fallen out of the "loop" with some of my friends for reasons I don't really know, but they don't invite me to hang out with them anymore. And when confronted about this they pretend like it's nothing, and that they didn't plan to hang out, and that it was spontaneous, but that's BS.
So, once again, I'm dealing with this concept of loneliness and trying to be at peace with spending time by myself. It's difficult because I really am a social butterfly, but at times I can be very secluded, but even during these times I know deep down I'd rather be out-and-about. It's also weird because I have now been at this job longer then any of my previous ones before and I'm getting itchy. Not that I want to leave because I do like my job, but I want to see what else is out there. I have "job A.D.D." because I can't stay at any job too long without getting bored of it and wanting to do something else. Many of my jobs have been summer jobs so they were destined to be short from the beginning. I can't really see myself being in AZ much longer. At least not Phoenix. I don't really like it here, and the heat just makes it worse. I miss the beach...

This turpentine chasers got kick...

Lately, I've felt like I've been in a garden smelling different types of flowers, and I just can't decide which one I like best. One moment it's a rose, and I love it's smell. It's sweet and fun, and I think it's my favorite. Then the smell goes away, and I see another flower, this time a daisy. The daisy is nice too. It's different from the rose, but it still smells nice. I really like the daisy, and think that maybe it is now my favorite. But then it blows away, and I see another flower. Now it's a tulip which is different from the rose and the daisy, but is still just as great. Then I see the rose again, and leave the tulip on the ground.
I'm confused as to which is my favorite flower in the garden, and I wonder if I should even be there. These flowers are not mine to pick, but there is no owner of the garden. What should I do...

Consider this an invitation to my gangsta nation...

I apologize for not posting in a long time, but I have found someone else. That someone else is Myspace. I love you Blogger, but Myspace does things for me that you simply cannot. I don't have time to explain it all. I still love you, but I need space, myspace.

The glove compartment isn't accurately named and everybody knows it...

So I've been reading and seeing a bunch of "Top" lists on blogs and tv lately, and so I thought that I would make a top 10 list of the albums that I would keep if I could only keep 10 albums for the rest of my life. You may add your lists via comment if you so wish.

In no particular order:

1. Weezer -The blue album
2. Pedro the Lion- a compliation I made myself with the best songs of all his albums and eps
3. Jurassic 5- Quality Control
4. Stavesacre- Speakeasy
5. Rage Against the Machine- Self Titled
6. Noise Ratchet- Until we have faces
7. Five Iron Frenzy- Upbeats and beatdowns
8. Jimmy Eat World- Clarity
9. The Essential Johnny Cash
10. Dashboard Confessional Compilation

Honorable mention:
1. Jack Johnson- Brushfire fairytales
2. Project 86- All of them except for Truthless heroes
3. U2- The best of the 80's and 90's
4. The Strokes- Is this it
5. The Get Up Kids- Something to Write Home About
6. Further Seems Forever- The moon is down
7. Death Cab for Cutie- Transatlanticsm

The following are albums that could make this list but I have not been listening to them long enough to qualify:

1. The Killers- Hot fuss
2. Snow Patrol- Final straw
3. Franz Ferdinand- Self Titled
4. Modest Mouse- Good news for people who love bad news
5. Elliot Smith- From a basement on a hill

What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico...

It pains me to use a country song as my title, but it seemed only fitting as I spent this past weekend in Rocky Pointe. The trip did fulfill my desire for the beach as we got to camp no more than 50 feet from the crystal blue water. It is a very beautiful place. We were very lucky to have our friend Beth on the trip because she was the only one who spoke decent Spanish despite having Anthony, who is half-Mexican on the trip. If not for her we most likely would've ended up sleeping on a rockpile or in the back of the truck with the sandy beach nowhere in sight.

Many tacos were eaten, some beers drank, and a seagull was killed when it mistakenly picked up an m-80 in it's beak thinking it was food. The bird was taken down by the blow, but did not die, and so it had to have a rock dropped on it in order to cease the suffering that was occurring. The bird did not die without revenge though because as the rock hit him he let out a saddening death cry that will resonate with the rock-dropper for the rest of his life. Happy Humpday and ground hogs day...

Lonely and dreaming of the West Coast...

So I really miss the beach. I've realized that for so many years I have taken it for granted because it's always been there. I miss the cool soft sand between my toes, and the warm sun on my face. I miss the sudden jolt the freezing water gives when you jump in at midnight. I miss the feel of the sudden transformation the sand takes as you run back out of the water towards the warm bonfire. This feeling I can best describe as running across broken glass. I miss sunsets and sunrises, both of which show God's magnificent hand at work. I miss walking down the pier, and looking in people's buckets to see what they have caught that night. I miss smores and worship around the bonfire. BEACH, I love thee.

The worst part of being in Arizona is that here at school they have this huge mural of different beaches painted inside the Student Union building. It's like some sick joke the management team did to these kids. Showing them where they could be going to school; some California school next to the beach. Alas, my state of deprivation will be soon ending as I am planning an RA retreat to San Diego in February. Huzzah!!!

We don't need no water let the mofo burn...

So we've had 5 fire alarms this month alone. One was actually pulled and the other 4 were miscues by the security system. The most recent one was at 5am, so hooray for dorm life.

Anyways, I've have rekindled my love for Homestarrunner after a hiatus for about a year and half. I was really into it before it got big. Me and guys on the wing watched it way back when there were only like 7 or 8 Strongbad emails, and then it got big and everybody was watching it and quoting it, and I suddenly got detached from it because it became mainstream. It was like my favorite local band got big, and was no longer mine. Funny how that happens with a lot of different things...

The problem with rules are they alienate the criminals...

So I'm posting a new blog at the request of one of my readers because my last blog reached a record setting 24 comments!!! The blogger people actually wrote me and asked if I could trim them down, and I told them to cram it with walnuts because there's no way I'd censor my readers. Dubya can censor hip-hop but not me!!!
Anyways, my new music recommendation is Snow Patrol which I picked up last week, and it's really good despite the very random and simplistic band name. They have a "Coldplay" feel to them, but with out the English accent or radio play. Pick them up now because their album is really cheap everywhere. I still recommend the Killers out there to anyone who is looking for a rockin' good time.
On the movie scene, I saw "Attack on Precinct 13" tonight and it's pretty good. It's your typical Ethan-Hawk-plays-white-cop-alongside-dominant-black-actor-who-is-actually-a-bad-guy movie, much in the style of his earlier flick Training Day. The movie is definitely worth seeing because the plot is interesting, it has some good action, and Ja Rule. What more could you want in a movie...

I can tell that we are gonna be friends...

Remember when you were young, say 3, 4, or 5, and becoming friends with somebody was so simple and easy. There were no preconditions or judgments, you just automatically became friends with whatever kid you ran into regardless of race or looks.

I observed this while at a Carl's Jr this weekend. A little girl was standing in line with her mom when another little girl (who looked like Dora the explorer) came in with her mother. The first girl was white, the second was Mexican, and instantly they became friends. They started chatting about whatever it is that 3 year-olds chat about, and they ran about the restaurant playing until their mothers called them away to eat their food.

I remember being a child and making friends everywhere I went. Even if I never saw them again because I met them at the park or beach, they were still my friends. As a child, the way somebody looked had no influence on my choice to be their friend. I was their friend because they were like me, a kid. Somewhere amidst my growing up I lost that innocence.

I guess as we get older and become "educated" we become much more judgmental and elitist. We pass judgment before we even get to know somebody based on their race or looks, and I know that I've done it plenty of times. If only we could all become little kids again...

They don't gotta burn the books they just remove'em...

Alright, a big high-five to anybody who can name the band and/or song the title of this post comes from...

Anyways, I've been keeping up on my NYR and been reading my book. I really like this book, and it's weird because I've owned it for almost 4 years. In fact, I believe I might have 2 copies of it because I think I received it as a birthday gift for two separate birthdays. I began reading it long ago, and didn't really get into it, but now I love it. It's really God's timing because this book really speaks to me. It's always been hard for me to get into recreational reading, other than the newspaper, Sports Illustrated, or SPIN magazine because I've been forced to read so many books for my classes. Having been a double major in philosophy and history created a mighty big load, not to mention I was a political science major for 2 years before I switched majors. Combine all those "required" readings and it's gets very burdensome. Nevertheless, I enjoy my new found love of reading and I hope it continues.

This section of my post I am devoting to my friend Pieter who still hasn't posted a comment in a long time or left his blog addy so that I might peer into his thoughts. Hurry up and do it you little Dutch bastard... :o)

'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this...

Another line from The Killers for the title, I guess that will be my new M.O. for blogging. A high five to the first reader (all 3 of you) who can correctly guess (via comment) which song and/or band my future blog titles come from.

Anyways, whoever gave my name to www.findmeadate.com is going to feel my wrath 10-fold when I find out who you are. It actually was a funny situation when the lady called me while I was in the changing room at the Burlington Coat factory. I figured it was a joke, so I kept asking if I could take her out, and she kept saying "No sir, this isn't for me, but for all the other ladies out there". Then she asked me what I was doing in a changing room. I guess realizing the obvious isn't a requirement to work the phones of an internet dating site. She's supposed to call me back so that I can take some survey, and get a free coupon for a dinner for that special lady who is sitting behind her keyboard waiting to meet me. But I'm not signing up for anything, I haven't reached that point in my life yet. Maybe in a few weeks...

I got soul but I'm not a soldier...

So I've been listening to the Killers a lot lately, which is the reason for the title of this post, and it's my favorite album right now. You should definitely go pick it up, do not be scared by the name of the band.
Anyways, in accordance with my NYR I've been reading a book. The Pursuit of God by Tozer to be exact, and this man has hit my whole persona on the head. Lately, I feel that I've become bi-polar in regards to my passions. I'll read something or see something and get really inspired, but then when I leave my little zone, and the real world is before me, I buckle over and don't do any of it. Tozer really nailed me this morning while I read in the bathroom (which is my favorite place to read). I'm tired of my lack of desire, and I thirst to be more thirsty. I want God to say to my soul "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away". Seriously, that quote sums up my entire existence. I just get so bogged down with so many petty things: money, image, girls (which is by far the worst of them all), and then I will slowly come out of this Bog and want to do something. I'll be inspired by the Bible or something else and really get excited about accomplishing something, but then when I get to work or some other part of life, I just don't see the connection between what inspired me and whatever I'm dealing with that day. I hope this makes sense because it makes sense in my head, but I don't know if it does on this blog, but I don't want to retype anything. Give me grace to rise and follow...

Don't call it a comeback...

So it is my return to blogging in the two-double-O=nickel, and it's great to be back. For all my readers out there (all two of you) I'm sure it was difficult to press on through the holidays without reading my witty banter. I am sorry for any inconveniences my sabbatical may have caused, but my parents computer is dial-up and we all know what that means.
Anyways, Christmas break was good. Got to see friends and be with the family, got to go to Vegas and donate some cash. Now it's back to "work" here in Phoenix. I don't usually make New Years Resolutions because I never keep them, but this year I resolute to read a book a month. Now, I don't mean a huge book, but a nice average book. I figure I can expand my mind outside of being forced to read by the college institutions. Reading is fun! So now I can read more than just Sports Illustrated, SPIN, and the Bible (this last one I highly recommend).
I hope everyone had a nice holiday, and my prayers go out to the families of those lost in the tsunami. Take care...